Claws and Coltsfoot
by Rainwatch
Summary: It's said that Emberstar, the first leader of the legendary EmberClan, hated medicine cats...
1. Allegiances and Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Warriors or any of its concepts, characters, etc.

* * *

 **EmberClan**

 **Leader:** Flintstar - dark, ashy gray tomcat

 **Deputy:** Rainfeather - fluffy gray she-cat with pale blue eyes; Flintstar's sister

 **Medicine Cats:**

Hollywhisker - tawny she-cat

Wolfpaw - jumpy brown tom

 **Warriors:**

Silvertuft - pale gray she-cat with insightful yellow-green eyes (Apprentice: Copperpaw)

Russetclaw - reddish tomcat with golden eyes (Apprentice: Cinderpaw)

Thundertail - bulky gray tom with dull green eyes (Apprentice: Larchpaw)

Ravenwing - midnight black tom with strange blue eyes, a white chest, and one white paw

Amberfoot - friendly orange she-cat with pale amber eyes (Apprentice: Fernpaw)

Briarfang - brown she-cat with green eyes

Mothflame - Briarfang's sister, an amber-eyed, chestnut-furred she-cat

 **Apprentices:**

Copperpaw - reddish tomcat with golden eyes; Russetclaw's younger brother

Larchpaw - small brown, amber-eyed tom

Cinderpaw - ashy gray she-cat; Flintstar and Silvertuft's daughter

Fernpaw - dark orange she-cat with pale green eyes; Cinderpaw's sister

 **Queens and Kits:**

Falconpelt - moony, chestnut-colored she-cat; Briarfang and Mothflame's sister

Smokekit - tall, lanky gray tomcat with a black tail-tip; Falconpelt's son

CloudKit - fluffy white tom with bright green eyes; Falconpelt's son

Nightkit - yellow-eyed, black-furred she-cat; Falconpelt's daughter

Sunfoot - golden she-cat with warm, caring green eyes

Heatherkit - pale brown, orange-tinted she-cat with yellow eyes; Sunfoot's daughter

Gorsekit - golden tom with Sunfoot's same green eyes; Heatherkit's sister

 **Elders:**

Heronfeather - large silver tom

Ivyheart - marbled gray tabby she-cat

* * *

 **IceClan**

 **Leader:** Talonstar - dark brown tomcat with jagged fur, a kinked tail, and green eyes

 **Deputy:** Lionfang - golden tomcat with unusually long fangs

 **Medicine Cat:** Poppytail - shaky, cream-and-gray she-cat

 **Warriors:**

Frozenwhisker - pale silver tabby with hints of blue in his fur and light green eyes

Eaglefeather - large brown tom with paler amber eyes

Junipercloud - pale brown she-cat

Hailclaw - blue-gray she-cat with bluish green eyes (Apprentice: Graypaw)

 **Apprentices:**

Graypaw - tall gray tabby she-cat

* * *

 **MossClan**

 **Leader:** Treestar - brown tom with shamrock green eyes

 **Deputy:** Muddyfoot - pretty brown tabby she-cat

 **Warriors:**

Honeyflower - golden she-cat with patches of darker brown

Raccoonmask - dark brown tabby tom

Aspentail - golden brown she-cat

* * *

 **ShadeClan**

 **Leader:** Ashstar - silver she-cat with bright green eyes

 **Deputy:** Duskclaw - dark gray tom with pale green eyes and licks of silver in parts of his fur

 **Warriors:**

Dawnfeather - Duskclaw's sister, a golden she-cat

Cloudfoot - white tomcat

* * *

It's said that the first leader of EmberClan, a wise old she-cat named Emberstar, hated medicine cats.

"Useless bags of fur," Emberstar snarled from atop the pile of branches she addressed the Clan on. "We need warriors, not herbalists! We need brave fighters, not good-for-nothing healers with their heads in the clouds! If any cat of EmberClan wants to be such an awful, _useless_ Clan member, we will let them, but they will pay. Medicine cats will be our slaves, not our Clanmates!"

"Our slaves!" chanted her Clan. "They will be our slaves!"

The first medicine cat of EmberClan, a small tom named Blueflame, was so devoted to serving his Clan and saving lives that he kept being a medicine cat. When Emberstar told him to hunt, he hunted, even though he wasn't trained to. When Emberstar told him to throw away perfectly good herbs, he did so, despite the Clan's recent bout of greencough. When Emberstar told him to leave the Clan forever, Blueflame picked up his herbs and traveled to IceClan. He's still buried on Talonstar's land today, although we're closer to rivals than friends.

Other medicine cats were not as determined to prove themselves. Littleclaw, a scraggly brown she-cat, rebelled against Emberstar's rule before her death a season later. Blueberry, a rogue who was forced to be medicine cat against her will, did not obey orders and managed to run away before being further enslaved. Medicine cats have an awful history, a history going back from their very beginning. And it's a history I intend to take part in.

Leaders have changed. Abusing medicine cats is now a thing of the past, a thing to be shamed on- but we aren't liked. We're hardly appreciated at all, even by injured or sick warriors. Cats don't care about medicine cats, even nowadays.

Emberstar's rule is over. But her legacy, her curse, has been passed down for generations. Because of her, medicine cats are not equals; they're still slaves in essence. They're still hated on, teased, made fun of. And I'm about to become one.

I'm going to be a medicine cat.


	2. One: Visions of a Medicine Cat

The small black nose poked out of the bushes.

A short orange muzzle followed, dotted with lots of whiskers.

Slowly, steadily, a giant orange cat pushed towards me, long claws extended and bushy tail waving. I had seen this vision twice before and I knew the strange cat didn't hurt me, so I could swallow my fear and just observe it. It was such a strange cat - its legs were darker than the rest of its fur, and its tail was bushy and thick. _Maybe it's from another Clan or something,_ I thought.

Fog clouded the orange cat, and a burst of lightning lit the surrounding area. A small wildfire started to form. There was some loud yowling - that always put my fur on end, cats shrieking - and a gray tom bounded into the flames. He tilted his head up, his eyes searching, and then suddenly started to cough. Smoke wreathed around him. I could tell it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

The gray tom, choking from the smoke, disappeared just like the orange cat had. In his place lay a tawny-furred she-cat. A muddy brown warrior let out a cry of anguish and bounded towards the she-cat, craning over her. With a flash, the light in the her eyes faded away. The warrior turned to me, despair shining in his vision.

But those sad eyes soon melted into the darkness. And then, quite suddenly, I was surrounded by shadows. I whipped my head around wildly, until finally, I met the eyes a pure white cat with a long, feathery tail. He looked at me, smirking. And then I heard the words echo in my head: _Evil does not need to be cloaked in black._

I was starting to lose interest, having already seen all of this, as the final scene came to place. I was in the medicine den, the only place I felt at home, when suddenly a juniper berry rolled in front of my paws. Lifting my paw, I squashed the entire thing in one go. Purple juice stained my toes.

Finally, the scenery melted away into the nursery, a warm, welcoming kit's den. I glanced at my paw, just be sure. Nope. No purple stain.

I started pondering what I had just seen. From the moment I had laid eyes on the medicine den, full of tangy-scented herbs and wet moss, I knew I was destined to be a medicine cat. I had visions of the future, and sometimes I would even see a StarClan cat. And I just _got_ herbs. From watching Hollywhisker, I had already learned most, if not all, of the basics.

"Are you okay?" asked Gorsekit, my brother. "You looked like you were somewhere else. Somewhere far away," he added in a worried squeak.

"I'm fine," I said. "It was just another vision."

Gorsekit looked at me, and then, as if he was satisfied with my answer, licked his paw thoughtfully.

I left him to his bath, turning over to Sunfoot. Asleep. The poor she-cat had to handle her own litter- Gorsekit and I- as well as Falconpelt's, since the pale brown queen was new at being a mother and needed some extra help. That part, Sunfoot being a little busy, didn't bother me. I just didn't really like Falconpelt's kits.

Cloudkit was snobby and hated medicine cats as much as Emberstar did, and whenever I went running to Sunfoot with a new vision, he would taunt and tease me. I didn't know much about Smokekit because he was always chatting with the apprentices, but whenever he was actually around, he was making weird comments about everyone. And Nightkit was the worst of them all. She was whiny, grouchy, and always complaining to Sunfoot. I could never get my mother's attention when Nightkit was around.

I glanced around the nursery. Nightkit was sleeping right now, and Cloudpaw and Smokepaw were nowhere to be seen. I turned to my mother, gently shoving her.

"Wake up," I said. "Sunfoot!" She blinked, tired, and glanced over at me.

"What do you want, Heatherkit?" she asked. Usually Sunfoot was bright and cheerful, but she didn't really like being woken up.

"I had another vision," I told her.

"Dream," she corrected.

"It's a vision if it comes true," I said. I have to admit, I sounded whiny.

"But they haven't come true yet," Sunfoot pointed out, sitting up. "Listen, Heatherkit, I think you need to give up on this healing business. We already have a medicine cat- two of them. Hollywhisker and Wolfpaw don't need any help."

"But I _want_ to help them," I said, my voice raising to a whimper. "And I'm good at it. Cobwebs stop bleeding, burdock root cures infection, but it's best for rat bites-" I paused, remembering my vision earlier. "And juniper berries heal stomachaches and make a cat strong for journeys."

Sunfoot sighed. "Heatherkit, you aren't going to be a medicine cat. And that's final."

"I have to be a medicine cat! I see the future!" I argued. "A giant orange cat is going to come attack us, and a gray tom is going to start choking because of a fire, and a she-cat will get old and die, and a white cat is going to be evil, and I'll squash a juniper berry for some re-"

"That is _not_ the future. Ember's curse," she said, using one of the Clan's exclamations, "cats don't grow any bigger than Flintstar is, and there hasn't been a fire in EmberClan for seasons. And what kind of prophecy is it, someone will die of old age and you're going to smush a healing herb?"

"It's real," I said, a lump gathering in my throat. "It is. I saw it, and it's all going to happen."

"Darling Heatherkit," Sunfoot said, licking my head, "what you're trying to tell me is lies. All of it. You could get in big trouble for telling lies, and then you'll never, _ever_ become a medicine cat."

I opened my jaws to protest, but closed them quickly. There was no arguing with Sunfoot once she'd made up her mind, and I knew that she'd never let me be a medicine cat.

I stepped out of the nursery, watching with longing at Hollywhisker's den. She was the medicine cat, and she wasn't looking for a new apprentice.

My gaze hardened into a glare. But I'd be her apprentice. My heart started to pound.

No matter what happened, I'd always keep trying to be a medicine cat. Even if Flintstar banished me, even if I forgot my herbs or stopped having visions… No matter what.


	3. Two: Apprenticeship

"From this day forward, you will be known as Copperclaw. StarClan honors your courage and perseverance, and we welcome you as a full member of EmberClan."

Flintstar stood, easily twice as tall as the newly made warrior, on the pile of branches. He rested his muzzle gently on the Copperclaw's head before turning to the next apprentice.

"I, Flintstar, leader of EmberClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn. Larchpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?" Flintstar recited.

"I do," Larchpaw breathed.

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. From this day forward, you will be known as Larchflight. StarClan honors your speed and agility, and we welcome you as a full member of EmberClan." Flintstar's yellow-green eyes scraped past Larchflight and landed on proud little Smokekit.

Today was our apprentice ceremony, and two of the older apprentices were becoming warriors. All five of us kits would move into the den with Fernpaw and Cinderpaw, up until we became warriors, too.

Of course, I'd become a medicine cat soon. Flintstar wasn't giving Hollywhisker another apprentice just yet, but I knew I'd make a brilliant medicine cat. I didn't care if I was the only one who thought so.

"Copperclaw!" someone yowled, breaking my chain of thought.

"Copperclaw! Larchflight! Copperclaw! Larchflight!" the Clan chanted. With a flick of his tail, Flintstar silenced them, and beckoned Smokekit up to his hill of branches.

"Smokekit, you have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Smokepaw. Your mentor will be Thundertail. He will pass down all he knows on to you," Flintstar announced. Trembling, Smokepaw watched the crowd part as Thundertail stepped up.

"Thundertail, you are ready to take on an apprentice. You had received excellent training from Heronfeather, and you have shown yourself to be brave and strong. You will be the mentor of Smokepaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to him," Flintstar said. Thundertail dipped his head and stepped forward to greet his new apprentice.

The speeches continued. Cloudpaw's mentor was Briarfang, a cranky she-cat who hated medicine cats just as much as her new apprentice. Lucky Nightkit got Rainfeather, the deputy of EmberClan. Gorsekit's mentor was Silvertuft, one of the senior warriors. Flintstar dismissed the Clan before naming me an apprentice.

"Wait!" Sunfoot yowled. "Heatherkit needs a mentor! Are you not giving my kit a mentor?"

Flintstar looked startled. "I thought she wanted to be a medicine cat."

"Yes?" Sunfoot snarled.

"We already have two medicine cats, so Heatherkit is useless. And we kill off useless cats. EmberClan won't tolerate someone who can't drag his own weight."

 _Kill off?_ My heart did a little lurch.

"You have to make her an apprentice!" Sunfoot cried. "You will, or I'm taking Gorsepaw and leaving!"

Flintstar looked reluctantly at Gorsepaw. He was thinking just what I was: my brother would make an excellent warrior, once trained. Gorsepaw was fit and healthy, with the best sense of smell out of all of us kits. Flintstar wouldn't give up the new apprentice without a fight."Fine," Flintstar said with a sigh. "She'll be called Heatherpaw, then. Mothflame will mentor the little worm."

Mothflame craned her neck towards me. "Ugh," she snorted. "I thought you were giving me a real apprentice."

 _Real apprentice?_ I thought with a frown. Smokepaw had told me Mothflame was really nice.

"Follow me, kit," the she-cat hissed, looking genuinely angry that she didn't get any of the other kits. "We're going to check the borders. It's good practice for apprentices."

"We're going out?" I asked. "On our first day?"

"Of course," she purred, but it was a nasty purr. "Did you think we were going to sleep?"

"I thought we were going to-" I paused, gulping. "Sort.. herbs?"

"Ember's _curse_ ," she said, "you really are a medicine cat. No, we're checking the borders. If you don't make any more remarks, maybe Gorsepaw and Silvertuft can join us."

Silvertuft gave a sympathetic look. "Gorsepaw is hunting with me. We'll handle borders tomorrow."

At this, I have to say, my heart sunk. How could Gorsepaw and I still be friends, if our duties were separating us? Suddenly, I didn't like this whole apprentice thing at all.

Briarfang snarled angrily at Mothflame. "And I'm not taking Cloudpaw with you. We're touring the territories with Rainfeather and Nightpaw."

"Aw, c'mon, sister," Mothflame pleaded. She turned to Thundertail, who gave her a glare.

"Ooh, are we going to check the borders?" Smokepaw asked his mentor excitedly.

Thundertail glanced at him, looking reluctant. Finally, he gave a gusty sigh and nodded. "That's what I was planning on doing, anyway. It's going to be easier with a companion."

"Two," I said. "I count as a living thing, you know, even if I want to be a medicine cat."

Thundertail glared at me, the same glare he gave Mothflame. I sighed.

That was Ember's curse: us medicine cats were destined to live in the shadows, to be hated by the Clan. The warriors used it as an exclamation, but Ember's curse was a real thing.

And for a soon-to-be-medicine cat like me, it was awful.


	4. Three: Border Patrol

It was just after sunhigh. The golden, warm morning had faded into a hot afternoon, and I felt itchy in my long, fluffy pelt. Smokepaw walked beside me, his black-tipped tail waving back and forth.

"How's Mothflame for a mentor?" he asked.

"She's alright," I said. Our two mentors were far up ahead- in sight, but probably not in earshot if I talked quietly and they weren't trying to listen. "I thought she'd be way nicer," I admitted. "Didn't you say something about her being sweet?"

"That's what Fernpaw told me," he defended. "She probably just doesn't like medicine cats." He looked at his paws.

"Do you like medicine cats?" I asked.

"I don't see what the fuss is about them," he responded. "Why can't we just treat them as normal Clanmates? I just don't get it." He yawned and stretched. "I guess it's because I'm only an apprentice."

"Maybe it'll make sense when we're warriors," I agreed.

Thundertail turned around. "Stop chatting, the two of you. You're going to give me a headache!"

Smokepaw and I stopped talking, walking in silence. _If only Gorsepaw was here,_ I thought. _Everything's fun when my brother's around._

"We've reached the border!" Mothflame announced. "Take a deep breath in, 'paws. You'll need to know this scent."

I sniffed, and Smokepaw took an exaggerated gasp, which got a snort of amusement from Mothflame. There was an odd scent mingling with EmberClan's. It was a foresty scent, with just a hint of moist earth and blackberries.

"MossClan?" I suggested.

"Correct," Mothflame praised. "Mark the border with EmberClan scent, and we can move on to the other borders. Wait till you smell IceClan!"

We marked the border quickly. Wanting to be thorough, I rubbed my paws and my face against the trunks of trees. _It's EmberClan's_ , I thought eagerly. _Not MossClan's. All of this land- it's EmberClan's._

We continued up the border, and I glanced at MossClan's forest. It was so _green_. EmberClan territory had some trees, but not many. You could see the the sky and the flowers and the streams, and not just green as far as the eye could see.

There was a sudden flash of yellow eyes in the forest, and the fur on the back of my neck rose. I bounded up to join the other cats. Smokepaw was looking at his mentor, confused.

"I don't understand why we have borders," he told Thundertail.

"What part don't you get?" his mentor grunted.

"Couldn't we just share territory?" Smokepaw's eyes drifted to the forest, and I knew he was looking at the warrior I saw hidden in the trees.

"No, we can't," Mothflame said. "IceClan cats would find some way to stir up trouble."

"I bet they'd take all of the prey," Thundertail said. "Have you seen those cats? They can hunt _fast_."

"But why does it have to be like that?" Smokepaw asked. "Doesn't it make more sense if we all shared territory, and didn't steal prey or fight each other? Couldn't we be one Clan instead of four?"

"If there was one Clan, where we all live?" Mothflame said with a shiver. "You wouldn't catch me in MossClan territory, and ShadeClan is too dark and remote." She looked thoughtful all of the sudden. "IceClan land is a lot like our territory, but they hunt in the hills and mountains too much. We couldn't be one Clan if we all wanted to stay in different places."

"Why do we even _want_ different places?" Smokepaw asked. "I wouldn't mind MossClan forest, and IceClan and ShadeClan don't sound too bad."

 _I'd mind MossClan_ , I thought, glancing into the thick treeline.

"We just don't, kit," Thundertail grumbled to Smokepaw. "And that's the end of that."

Mothflame suddenly hissed. "Quiet, everyone. We're at the IceClan border." The chestnut she-cat gestured for us to lay down, and I lowered to a crouch. That's when I caught the scent. It was different from MossClan's, almost colder somehow.

"IceClan is nearby," Thundertail explained. "That's why the scent is so thick. We're a few fox-lengths from the border." I flattened down further, thinking of big, fierce IceClan warriors, strong enough to tear me apart.

"Ugh!" came a loud mew. "What's that awful stench?"

"Shh, Graypaw, it's EmberClan," hissed another cat. "Breathe in the scent. Remember it."

A loud sniffing sound. "It smells gross," the first cat complained. My heart started to race. A rival Clan was nearby.

"That's EmberClan's scent," the second, older cat growled. "Graypaw, lay low. I think they're nearby."

"Nearby?" cried the apprentice. I heard a crashing noise as he darted through the bushes. "All right! EmberClan cats!"

A gray tabby, nearly a head taller than I was, skidded to a halt in front of us. I saw Mothflame's pupils thin with anger, and she let out a low growl.

"You're on our land," she said in a harsh, low voice.

"Eww!" Graypaw wrinkled his nose at Mothflame. "You smell even worse up close!" He whipped around, and his grass green eyes locked onto mine.

"Get out!" Thundertail roared, pouncing on Graypaw. "Get out of EmberClan territory!"

"Graypaw, you _dung-brain_ ," cried the older cat, Hailclaw. "Get back here right now before you cause a big stink over nothing!"

Graypaw squeaked and rolled out from underneath Thundertail. The apprentice bounded over to Hailclaw, reeking with fear-scent. With one last glance at us, the two IceClan cats sprinted back for their own territory. I looked at Thundertail, confused.

"Why were you so harsh?" I asked. "It was probably just an accident."

"Nothing's ever an accident with IceClan," Thundertail said curtly. I couldn't think of how to reply to that, so I fell silent.

As we continued to walk, Smokepaw met my eyes, and I could tell he was just as confused as I was.


	5. Four: Incoming Thunder

To me, Fernpaw was always just Flintstar's daughter, or at most, one of Smokepaw's friends. Our paths rarely crossed the camp, and I never really knew anything about her. Until one day, when I was looking for something to eat in the fresh-kill pile, my mother shoved her over.

"Fernpaw, meet Heatherpaw," Sunfoot nodded. "Heatherpaw, meet Fernpaw." The older apprentice looked uncomfortable.

"What's this about?" I asked.

"I... " Sunfoot ducked her head. "I was hoping if you became friends with Fernpaw and Cinderpaw, Flintstar would like you more."

Fernpaw shuffled her paws. I looked at her curiously.

Amberfoot, who was on the other side of the camp, bounded over. "Ember's curse, Sunfoot, she has to train!"

And just like that, Fernpaw was whisked away. But Sunfoot was determined for me to get to know her- every time I trained with Mothflame, she would try to get Amberfoot to come with us. Every time I curled up in the apprentice's den, she would shove Fernpaw in with me and try to get us to stay and chat. And every time I went on a patrol, you could bet Fernpaw would be there with me. Slowly, Fernpaw was warming up to me.

"Are you ready to be a warrior?" I asked her one day when we were both on a hunting patrol.

"I guess," she sighed. "Copperclaw and Larchflight are only a moon older than me, but Flintstar still hasn't made me a warrior. I feel like he's trying too hard not to give me special treatment, and it's kind of stressing me out."

"There's nothing to feel nervous about," I told her. "You'll make a great warrior."

Fernpaw brightened a little. "And I'm sure that you'll be a medicine cat one day," she replied. "Sorry if this sounds direct, but why do you want to be a medicine cat, exactly?"

"Because I get visions all the time," I said. "And I'm great with herbs, too. And…" I hung my head, not wanting to continue.

"And what?" she asked.

"I don't want to be a warrior," I admitted. "I don't want to fight, or injure cats. I don't want someone to… to… die beneath my claws."

"Really?" she said. "But that's what a warrior _is_. You fight, you claw, you bite. It's just what you do."

I couldn't respond. What would I even say? Fernpaw didn't understand how I felt, how being a medicine cat was just so _right_ to me. So I fell silent and continued walking.

* * *

Mothflame was perched up on the pile of branches. She was talking with Flintstar in a low, anxious voice, too muffled for me to hear her clearly. They both looked worried, more so than I had ever seen before.

Was it me? I had an awful feeling that it was, but it didn't really make any sense. I had been just as good of an apprentice as usual; it didn't make sense for them to worry about me all of the sudden.

Every warrior was well-fed, warm, and safe. It must've been a rival Clan; that was the only thing that could make Flintstar as worried as he was. I had a sneaking suspicion that it was IceClan; what other Clan would want our territory? What other Clan always fought with us?

"Do you know what's up with them?" Fernpaw asked. I jolted. Lost in thought, I didn't realize she was right next to me.

"I-" I choked. "I think they might be discussing IceClan- attacking."

Her eyes widened.

"It's just a theory," I said quickly. "I don't know if it's true or not. But it makes sense, doesn't it?"

Suddenly, Flintstar hopped down from the branches, Mothflame padding after him. "Gather around, EmberClan cats!"

"Another meeting?" groaned Nightpaw, who had just woken up from a nap.

A crowd started to verge together, gathering around the branches. Flintstar frowned, watching every cat approach. His eyes suddenly swept over to me.

"Mothflame found IceClan scent a few tail-lengths from the border," he announced. _I was right_ , I thought with a sickening lurch of my stomach. "We don't know if there will be any immediate action from IceClan, but EmberClan cats are not cowards. We must face this before it becomes a threat!"

 _Wait… we're fighting? We're attacking, not them_?

"I'll send a patrol to the border to check what's up with them," Flintstar continued. "Close behind them will be a battle patrol, ready to fight. Rainfeather will organize them; talk to her if you have any suggestions or ideas."

"I have a suggestion," whispered Fernpaw. "Let's stay home." She made a face.

But as I met Flintstar's eyes, I knew there was no staying home for me.

I would either go and prove myself to him- and then he'd force me into being a warrior- or I'd die, and he wouldn't have to worry about my dreams and visions and prophecies.

I was never going to be a medicine cat.


	6. Five: Talonstar

Just as suspected, I was chosen for the battle patrol. Flintstar, Silvertuft, Gorsepaw, Copperclaw, Larchflight, Thundertail, Smokepaw, and Cloudpaw were coming as well. The other patrol, the "peace" patrol, contained Rainfeather, Nightpaw, Ravenwing, Briarfang, and Mothflame. They were in charge of finding out what the border problem was. If a fight did break out, they would help, but they would do their best to prevent any conflict.

Lucky Fernpaw got to stay home with, along with her sister, Cinderpaw, and both of their mentors. Hollywhisker and Wolfpaw, the two medicine cats, were coming along with us just in case, and Falconpelt and Sunfoot were staying home as well. I wanted so badly to be with them and not have to face the battle head-on. But Flintstar would never allow that.

Everything seemed louder, harsher, rougher. My paws hit the ground like drumbeats, and the murmur of my Clanmates was a deafening roar. I needed to survive this. I needed to _fight_. If I could make it through this battle, I would find a way to prove myself as a medicine cat. I had a chance.

A chance. I repeated it over and over again, my throat feeling sticky and dry. A chance.

I opened my mouth wide and tasted IceClan scent. We were nearing the border. My heart started to speed up. Could I survive this fight? I was always good at play-fighting, but this was a real battle with real cats. Everything was different.

A tail flick from Rainfeather told me we had reached the border. I crouched down, watching her tentatively step over the scent line. Was there an IceClan patrol nearby? I tasted the air again. I could still scent IceClan, but I couldn't tell if was stale or not. Gorsepaw was always better at tracking than me.

"RRARR!" A large brown tom bounded into view. "Stay off of our land! Get away!"

Rainfeather frowned at him. "We don't want a battle, Talonstar. We've simply come to find out why you've been changing your scent markers.

Talonstar grinned, showing gleaming, jagged fangs. "What are you going to do about it? Lousy bunch of fools."

Briarfrang shrieked and ran towards him, but Ravenwing grabbed her scruff with his teeth and yanked her backwards before she could get to Talonstar. Briarfang hissed angrily.

"We're not fools, Talonstar," Rainfeather said politely. "We're warriors. Now, settle for the agreed borders, or you will face the wrath of EmberClan."

Talonstar seemed amused, but he didn't speak.

"We will rip out all your nine lives one by one!" Briarfang jeered. Ravenwing touched her shoulder with his tailtip, trying to calm her.

"Talonstar, we want peace as much as the next cat," Rainfeather said. "We need to know why you moved the scent markers, and if you're ready to fight, Flintstar's warriors are just as prepared. We are not afraid."

Talonstar launched himself at Rainfeather, taking his claws and dragging them down her snout as she collapsed. More IceClan warriors burst out of the grasses, meeting the patrol with an eager gleam to their eyes. I had to force my paws to follow Flintstar forward.

A pale brown she-cat, almost the same light color as my own fur, hissed at me. I stalked towards her, trying not to look afraid. What did Mothflame tell me about battle? I flexed my claws, and suddenly there was a hunger inside of me.

We were warrior cats. And it was time for war.


	7. Six: Apprentice Warrior

Fur tore under my claws. My lips raised in a snarl. Cats around me twisted, and I felt a thrill when the IceClan warrior I fought drew blood. I was a warrior, and nothing would stop me from my goal.

The cats around my thrashed, and I only paid to attention to keeping the wave of IceClan cats at bay. There was some skill inside of me for battle that hadn't had a chance to shine until this day. And I was letting it get the spotlight. Nobody would hurt my Clanmates.

I chased off toms and she-cats, older warriors and fresh-out-of-the-nursery apprentices. There was no discrimination to my fighting. I clashed with any IceClan cat that went up to face me, and rarely did I ever have to flee. _Warrior_ , I kept on thinking. Some tiny part of my mind understood how horrible and awful it was that I was even good at it, but that tiny part could not be heard in the thrill of battle. _Warrior. Warrior!_

Finally, my gaze landed back on the pale brown she-cat. I had scratched her up before, but she was looking cocky. I was going to teach her a lesson about who was in charge.

My muscles bunched together, and I pounced, grabbing the warrior's claws and shoving them away from my vulnerable belly. A warrior, I suddenly realized. I was up against a warrior. But I was almost one myself, really, and I had faced warriors earlier in the battle. I didn't want to let anything hold me back.

Claws clashed, fangs flashed, and we wrestled back and forth. Finally, in an attempt to give her a few good scars to think about, I shoved the warrior away and let her tumble onto a rock. I wanted to move on, to fight someone else, to defend my Clanmates, but something made me stay rooted to my spot. The she-cat was laying in place, not even trying to get back up.

Suddenly the thrill of being an apprentice warrior vanished.

I walked up to her nervously. Could I have hurt her? I had trouble breathing, looked at her battered body.

One of the IceClan toms ran up with me, looking at her with wide eyes. "Is she alive?" cried the cat. "Junipercloud? Junipercloud?" The tom poked her, and she looked up weakly.

"F-f-frozenwhisker?" the she-cat squeaked. Her eyes met mine, and she glared.

So she was alive. But… how much had I injured her?

The last few cats still fighting tore apart, padding up to watch the scene unfold. Hailclaw from the earlier patrol ran over and nuzzled Junipercloud, and she tried but failed to stand up. My eyes widened at the scratches and tears in her fur, and the long shred in her ear. Did I do that?

Flintstar walked up behind me, giving me a clever smile.

"Looks like our herb-brain finally proved herself," he sneered. "I'm glad. I thought we'd have to banish you, and we wouldn't want to let go of you _and_ Gorsepaw."

I gulped, feeling even more sick than I felt before. "S-so… Am I going to be a warrior?"

"No doubt, herb-brain," Flintstar said with a smirk. And he padded off into the darkness, leaving me to watch poor Junipercloud struggle.


	8. Seven: Aftermath

It was generally agreed that the battle was over. Talonstar gathered up his warriors and left, and Flintstar was preparing to do the same. But I wanted to stay behind and think.

I was going to be a warrior, not a medicine cat. That was problem number one.

Problem number two was almost as obvious. I was _good_ at being a warrior cat. I was a pretty slow hunter and got easily distracted in border patrols, but I was a good warrior. I had stood my ground in battle.

Problem number three; a warrior was scarred, scratched, and battered. Because of me.

A sudden cough made me jump, and I turned to see a lump in the dirt. _Everyone's already gone_ , I thought. I stepped forward to examine, and my eyes met crystal blue ones. There was a sickening lurch in my stomach. _Rainfeather_!

"Heatherpaw," she whispered, closing her eyes. "I… I've never been happier to see you." She opened her eyes again, and that was when I saw the huge gash along her face.

 _When she collapsed,_ I realized, _she wasn't just losing her balance. She was hurt. Horribly hurt._

I almost didn't want to see the rest of her, but I looked. Bruised legs- probably why she couldn't get back up- and more scratches along her back. Talonstar had ruthlessly attacked our deputy, and in the rush to get out of the battle site, our Clan had left her behind.

 _Breathe. It's time to think. The wounds have stopped bleeding,_ I thought, _but they need to be washed because of all that dried blood. Some wet moss should do the trick, and the scratches should be dressed with marigold or horsetail to stop infection. Marigold grows well here, but horsetail grows better near watery areas. I can get it wherever I go to wet the moss._

"I'll be back as soon as possible," I promised. "Rainfeather… I'm so sorry."

She gave a choking sound to show she heard. I nodded, running off the the nearby stream. On my way, I tore some moss off of a tree, gathering as much as I could in my mouth. _Ugh_ , I thought, running forward. The moss had a bitter, moist flavor to it. I shrugged it off and continued.

I spat the moss out and let it soak for a few seconds while I plucked some horsetail. When I thought it was wet enough, I tucked it under my chin and started to jog back to the battle site. I hoped I could get there in time.

 _Ember's curse_ , I thought as Rainfeather came into view, _she looks awful._

I wiped the wet moss against her scratches until she looked clean enough, and then I began to chew the horsetail. Rainfeather watched me anxiously as I worked. Finally, when I had fully dressed the wounds, I turned my attention to her legs.

"Do they still hurt?" I asked. She seemed more hopeful now that she was cleaned up.

"Not u-unless I put pressure on them," Rainfeather rasped. I leaned forward and touched her foreleg with my nose. She seemed to be withholding a yelp.

"You shouldn't be walking," I informed her. "I'm no medicine cat, but I know that. Climb onto my back."

Rainfeather looked at me like I was an idiot. She didn't move.

"Now," I said, crouching down. Slowly, carefully, she hauled herself off the ground and onto me. I grunted as she put her weight on me, nearly collapsing.

"Put your legs on the ground," I wheezed. "You're much bigger than me; help me out. Put as much pressure as you can.

She did as I said, and slowly I stumbled forward. Rainfeather was doing as best as she could to support her on weight, but she was still weak. I tried to bring on that warrior feeling I had in the battle, to make me stronger, but it didn't seem to work. There was something about being in a battle, about the adrenaline rush, that made being a warrior more appealing.

Somehow we made it to camp. Cats gasped and moved out of the way as Rainfeather tumbled off my back. After a few moments of silence, Hollywhisker padded up, gently prodding poor Rainfeather.

"Kit," she whispered, looking up at me, "you don't want to be a medicine cat. You'll get no thanks for your work. You'll get no bonuses. If I were you, I'd get your head out of the clouds and into your apprentice duties."

"But you _aren't_ me," I retorted, and I turned away just as a dark, ashy gray tom approached and icy blue eyes seared into my forehead.

Flintstar knew what had happened.

And he wasn't happy.


	9. Eight: Medicine Cat

"As you may know," announced Flintstar from his hill of branches, "our new apprentice found Rainfeather injured at the battlefield. She healed her on her own accord, without anyone asking her of it, and took Rainfeather back to camp safely. Obviously, some kind of reward must be in order."

"Boo!" hissed Cloudpaw, coughing. "You Ember's cursed quack!"

"Rainfeather and I think," Flintstar said loudly, "that she may be best as a medicine cat. So we will give Heatherpaw here one moon to look after one of our injured cats. If Heatherpaw succeeds, she will train under Hollywhisker and Wolfpaw. If she fails, I will decide her fate."

My heart dropped.

If I failed, Flintstar would exile me, Gorsepaw or no Gorsepaw. Or even worse. He could execute me, and who would argue? If I screwed this up, my fate would be in Flintstar's paws.

But if I succeeded, I would get the one thing I'd always wanted: to be a medicine cat.

"Who should she look after, Hollywhisker?" Flintstar asked.

"Larchflight, Silvertuft, Nightpaw, and Ravenwing all need tending to their wounds," Hollywhisker answered. "And Amberfoot and Cloudpaw are both starting to get colds."

I turned over to Cloudpaw, who glared and stifled a cough.

"Heatherpaw has already proven herself in healing battle wounds," Flintstar said. "Maybe she could look after one of the sick cats?"

"It will be a nice challenge for her," Hollywhisker agreed. "Amberfoot? Cloudpaw?"

"Ember's cursed quack," Cloudpaw breathed. Hollywhisker's gaze hardened, and she gestured him forward with her tail. Cloudpaw walked up, coughing a few more times before settling down in front of us.

"You will look after Cloudpaw for one moon," Hollywhisker said. "If you cannot cure him by the time the moon is up, then you will be punished. But if you can, then you will train under Wolfpaw and I."

I tried to relax. _I scored big-time,_ I thought. _A tiny cough? I can treat it with coltsfoot, and if it actually becomes serious, catmint. It could even be kitten-cough- Cloudpaw's fresh out of the nursery, and kitten-cough is easy to treat._ But for some reason the fur along my spine just couldn't flatten.

Then I realized why.

One moon. Up close with Cloudpaw. Acting as his medicine cat.

It was going to be a very, very long moon.

* * *

"Ember's cursed quack," Cloudpaw kept on muttering. "I wish you'd never been born."

"I wish you hadn't, either," I said cheerfully, sorting through the herbs for a chunk of feverfew. Cloudpaw was a little warm, and I didn't want to risk him getting a fever.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" he hissed as I shoved aside some alder bark.

"I'm fairly certain I do," I answered. "And anyways, even if I don't know what I'm doing, at least I'm not doing it on someone important."

"I'm important!" he cried, trying to get up. I put my paws on my shoulder, forcing him down.

"One, Hollywhisker wants you to rest," I told him. "And two, says who?"

Cloudpaw continued to grumble, but I silenced him with a flick of my tail and handed him the feverfew. He glared at me and nibbled on the end of it.

"Eat more of it," I ordered. "I don't want you coming down with greencough."

Cloudpaw ate the rest of it, wincing as he chewed. He started to roll over. I took a step closer, trying to see what he was doing, but he hissed angrily at me.

"Let me sleep," he complained. "You don't have to keep an eye on me all the time."

"Well, I'm sorry that I want to get the job done right!" I snarled at him. I stepped out of the den, my tail thrashing back and forth.

 _Evil does not need to be cloaked in black,_ I couldn't help but thinking _._ Could Cloudpaw be the cat in the vision? Was he more than just a bully- could he really be _evil_? Somehow I couldn't make myself believe it.

I looked up to see Smokepaw bounding towards me. "Hey, Heatherpaw," he said. "Are you up for a hunting patrol? We need one more cat."

"A hunting patrol would be nice," I agreed. "And I certainly need a break."

"Come on along, then," he said. "Thundertail and Briarfang are coming, too."

I padded across the camp after him, catching up with the two warriors. Briarfang met my eyes, growling softly. Of course she didn't want the Ember's cursed medicine cat on the patrol, but she didn't say anything.

"Come on," Thundertail said. "Let's get going."

"How's medicine cat training?" Smokepaw asked as we walked.

"It's okay, I guess," I said. "I like learning about herbs. I just wish I had more patients to treat."

"And not just Cloudpaw," Smokepaw agreed.

We kept walking. I opened my jaws, trying to find some prey. Suddenly Smokepaw stiffened.

"Squirrel," he whispered, pointing with his tail.

We crept forward, and I made sure we were downwind of the squirrel. Smokepaw began to loop around a tree, trying to catch the squirrel on one side while I attacked on the other. I flicked my ear, and Smokepaw pounced.

It happened in a flash. The squirrel scampered away, and Smokepaw's claws met empty air. But I was right on it, driving it back towards him. Smokepaw swiftly bent down and killed it.

"Nice catch," Thundertail purred. I almost jumped. I had forgotten he was even there.

"It was well done, I supposed," Briarfang grunted.

 _No, it wasn't,_ I thought. _I can only hunt with a partner; I'm awful solo._

We caught two more squirrels, and when we moved into the marshier part of our territory, a frog and a lizard. Thundertail and Briarfang mostly just watched, occasionally swiping one of our targets or giving us advice. If I'd known hunting with another cat was so much more effective, I would've hauled Fernpaw along with me on our training sessions.

I returned to Cloudpaw after the patrol. I think we were both glad to get some time apart.


	10. Nine: Chest Pains

The days passed. I looked after Cloudpaw, played with Fernpaw, studied under Hollywhisker, and hunted with Smokepaw. Slowly, steadily, I began to realize that Cloudpaw didn't just have a cold. He was getting whitecough, or maybe even greencough. One chilly leaf-fall morning I went to get some catmint form the herb supplies to give to him, and I discovered we were fresh out.

"Did you do anything with the catmint?" I demanded to Cloudpaw.

"It looked old," he shrugged, "so I threw it out. I think Nightpaw ate it because it smelled so good."

My heart seemed to thud ten times louder. "She.. she _ate_ it?"

"Yeah," Cloudpaw said. He glanced at me, looking suddenly frightened.

"Your sister," I said, "is a _total_ fur-brain. Hollywhisker already picked all of this year's catmint. What if you have greencough? What if you die because of this?!" I took a deep breath. "Tansy. Lots of tansy. And coltsfoot, too, and feverfew…"

"That sounds like a lot of nasty herbs," Cloudpaw said, making a face.

"If it weren't for you and your sister," I retorted, "you could be eating sweet-scented catmint!"

"It looked old," he said, startled. "I thought I was doing you a favor."

I breathed in again, trying to calm down, and shoved the tansy towards Cloudpaw. He ate it slowly and tentatively, wincing at the bitter taste. I sighed.

"Are you okay if I leave you on your own for a bit?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he shrugged. "I'm fine. My chest hurts a little bit, but I'm good if you want to leave."

 _His chest?_ That wasn't normal for whitecough, or even for greencough. I stepped away, trying to shrug off the thought that he might be developing a bigger infection. Cloudpaw was fine; he just had a cough and a runny nose.

I bounded up towards Rainfeather, who was organizing the patrols. "Can I hunt?" I asked.

"Of course," she purred. "Do you want to hunt with Smokepaw? He and Thundertail just left, but I bet you can catch up."

"Sure," I nodded. "Unless you need me somewhere else?"

"Nope," she said. "Go ahead and hunt."

I bounded away, hoping I could catch up to them. To be honest, I was awful at solo hunting.

I followed the pawprints into the wilderness, bounding through EmberClan territories. I could see Smokepaw's black-tipped tail waving ahead of me. "Smokepaw! Wait up!"

"Have you come to hunt?" Smokepaw turned around the face me.

"Yeah, I'm ready," I said. "Have you caught anything yet?"

"Thundertail caught a rabbit," he said. "I was hoping you'd come; Thundertail isn't a very good hunting partner."

His mentor grunted. "I might be bigger than you, but I'm much faster."

"I don't even understand your hunting methods," Smokepaw retorted. "The other day you told me to pretend an oak leaf was a mouse- it wasn't even the right shape!"

"You take things too literally," Thundertail complained. "Anyways, you two can go hunting in the marshes if you want to."

I looked over at Smokepaw, who nodded. We turned away from Thundertail and started to the marshes. I smiled, glad to have a partner to hunt with.

We spent the entire afternoon chasing lizards and frogs, and we hunted well together.

* * *

Cloudpaw wasn't getting better. He needed catmint, and desperately- his whitecough grew worse every day. But Hollywhisker couldn't find anything within EmberClan territory.

"We have to ask the other Clans," I whispered to her one day as Cloudpaw dozed off.

"We can't," she said miserably. "We're still in strife with IceClan, we just borrowed stinging nettle from MossClan, and ShadeClan would never let us even enter their territory."

"Maybe if we get some from outside Clan territory?" I said. She shook her head.

"Rogues live there, Heatherpaw. They won't permit us entering and stealing herbs."

I glanced at Cloudpaw. It was my job to heal him, and I was failing. Horribly. I needed a little comfort, a cat to talk to, to take all of this stress of my shoulders. I turned away from Cloudpaw, sighing, and came to face Smokepaw.

"You looked hungry after working with herbs all day," he said, "so I brought you a mouse." He dropped a limp brown shape at my paws.

I mumbled a thanks, carrying the mouse to a shady spot and slowly chewing it. Smokepaw plucked a squirrel from the fresh-kill pile and sat down next to me, gulping it down. We sat in silence for a few moments, eating.

"How's it been?" I asked.

"Good," he said with a smile. "Although Fernpaw's mad at me."

"Why?" I asked.

"I don't really know," he admitted. "She wanted me to apologize for something, and I didn't think I needed to, so I didn't apologize until she kept on pestering me. And now she's mad because she doesn't think I meant it."

There was a little jolt of happiness inside of my chest, though I felt stupid because of it. _I can't be happy at this,_ I thought. _Smokepaw is clearly upset. And I wonder how Fernpaw feels!_

"Mmm," I murmured. "I'm sorry."

He hung his head. "Oh, well. There's not really anything I can do at this point."

It was silent again. Finally I stood up, leaving scraps of mouse at my paws.

"Let's hunt," I announced. "What are you feeling like today?"

"I know it sounds silly- EmberClan never hunts them- but I really like songbirds," Smokepaw said.

"Then let's hunt some birds!" I said.

Smokepaw purred, licking his chops. "What about _your_ favorite food? We should catch some of that and have a feast."

"I really like frogs," I told him. "They're a little slimy, but I think they're delicious all the same. Hey," I said, getting an idea all of the sudden, "how about you catch five frogs and I'll catch five birds?"

"Sounds good to me," Smokepaw said. "Do you want to go ahead and start?"

I glanced towards the medicine den. I couldn't start, not yet. I had to check in on Cloudpaw.

"In a bit," I replied, licking his shoulder respectfully. For a long moment, I felt perfectly happy and safe. And then I bounded back to meet up with Cloudpaw.


	11. Ten: Goodbyes

"Out of catmint," I repeated, as I usually did when checking the herb storage. There was always that glimmer of hope that Hollywhisker might've restocked.

"Do you mind?" Cloudpaw snarled. "I was napping." He acted cool and composed, but his eyes had a glazed-over look, like he was in pain. He wasn't getting better, despite my efforts.

"I need to check on you, Cloudpaw," I said. I was acting as relaxed as I could, just like Cloudpaw. But I could hardly keep calm. Why wasn't he getting any better?

I nosed a cluster of tansy towards Cloudpaw, since his cough wasn't getting any worse, and then looked for some coltsfoot to ease his harsh breathing. But there wasn't any coltsfoot left. I stepped back. _How can we be out of coltsfoot?_

I spotted Hollywhisker padding nearby, and I called her name out. She stepped into the den.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"We're out of coltsfoot, and Cloudpaw is hurting," I said.

"No, I'm not," Cloudpaw hissed. "Ember's cursed quack."

"Did you give him tansy?" Hollywhisker asked.

"As much as I could spare," I said.

Hollywhisker sniffed him over. "It doesn't smell like he has greencough. I would gather more coltsfoot just in case." She looked up at me. "The frost hasn't hit yet. You have time to gather herbs."

"I'll bring back as much coltsfoot as I can carry," I promised.

I started out of the medicine den. For the first time I noticed how cold it was getting, and how many leaves were scattered across the ground. Leaf-fall was really here. When would leaf-bare come?

I took a step forward, but froze in my tracks. There was a choking sound coming from behind me.

"Hollywhisker! Cloudpaw!" I exclaimed, running over. "What's happening?"

Cloudpaw was sitting stiffly in his nest, struggling to breathe. Every once in a while, he would let out a strangled cough.

Hollywhisker's eyes thinned. She whispered, "He has blackcough."

"He's had blackcough this whole time," I murmured. Hollywhisker nodded.

"It was probably developing in the very beginning, and it just got progressively worse and worse," she said, head hung. "Blackcough can be like that. But I haven't seen it in a long time."

"What treats blackcough?" I managed to choke out.

"Most patients die," Hollywhisker answered. "But if you get a chance to heal them, catmint will usually do the trick."

I looked over at Cloudpaw. We didn't have any catmint.

Sighing, I sat down next to him, twining my tail with his. "Cloudpaw," I whispered, "listen. I'm so sorry, for everything. I'm sorry that you had to die. I'm sorry that I didn't stop Nightpaw from eating those herbs. I'm sorry for everything… everything that's ever happened." I got a little choked up, and my voice fell.

Still struggling to breathe, Cloudpaw murmured, "I… I'm… s… sorry… too, you… E.. Ember's cursed… quack…" He grinned, and I allowed myself a small smile.

I stayed by his side. I didn't leave until his heartbeat died away and his breathing stopped altogether. And then I got to my paws, striding across the camp.

I didn't know what I was doing. It just happened. I found myself at Sunfoot's paws, eyes wet and dripping. And then I started to speak.

"Don't take Gorsepaw away," I said. "This isn't Flintstar's doing; it's my own. You have to promise that you won't take Gorsepaw away. And I'll promise something too. Sunfoot, I will always love you."

Her eyes widened. "You're… you're talking nonsense, Heatherpaw. We're staying here."

I shook my head. "He's dead. Cloudpaw's dead. Goodbye, Sunfoot. I love you."

And then I was running, paws flying, legs pumping. I didn't stop running as I left behind the cats that loved me. I pushed on, eventually passing the border. I was in uncharted land.

I continued to run until my legs gave way beneath me. And then, as inky black shadows crept up on me, I welcomed the darkness.


	12. Eleven: Bright Futures

"Wake up, kit."

I blinked, looking up into grass green eyes. With a jolt, I scrambled backwards.

"You can trust me." The starry, silver-furred she-cat touched my nose gently. "I am a StarClan cat."

"I'm dead?" I sighed. "I guess I probably got dehydrated. Or I might have caught blackcough from Cloudpaw. Or-

"You haven't died," the she-cat told me, smiling. "I'm here to bring you- a message of sorts."

 _I'm alive?_ I looked down at my paws. They were perfectly solid. I was _alive_.

"I don't want a message," I said gloomily. "I want to go to StarClan. Don't you understand, everything I've hoped for is gone! I can never be a medicine cat. Cloudpaw is dead. And I won't ever see Gorsepaw or Sunfoot or Fernpaw or _anyone_ again, because Flintstar would never let me back. I don't need your messages."

"You have to keep going," the she-cat said, butting foreheads with me. "Heatherpaw, there are bright futures for you out there."

"I can't go back to EmberClan," I protested, burying my head in the grass. "I'm staying here."

Seeing as force had gotten her nowhere, she touched my nose again gently. "I didn't say they were in EmberClan," she whispered. "I can see a future where you're a loner, traveling and learning about all kinds of different cats. I can see a future where you join ShadeClan. I can see one where you become a rogue and have a happy life. I can see no bright future where you sit here all day and do _nothing_."

I sighed, despair overtaking me. "I can't," I said.

"You must." The she-cat looked me in the eyes, smiling. "My name is Silverbird, and once I felt like giving up. But I kept going."

 _Oh, how absolutely heartwarming_ , I thought bitterly. Like I promised Smokepaw I'd get him those stupid songbirds. Like I promised Cloudpaw I'd heal him.

Like I promised Sunfoot I'd always love her.

I sighed and closed my eyes, willing myself to wake up. And suddenly I was sitting up into the cool, clear night air.

I stepped through the tall grasses. A sudden energy was flowing through me. I had walked the grounds of StarClan and came out alive and good as new. Only true medicine cats could do that. Or soon-to-be medicine cats. Or was-going-to-be medicine cats.

I shook away those thoughts. I had to think practically if I was going to survive. Was I in any danger of patrols? I had already crossed the border, but it would be safer to get as far away as I could. And I needed catmint, too, just in case Cloudpaw had gotten me sick. But Hollywhisker had already picked this season's herbs.

All of them inside Clan territory, that was.

I tried to remember what I had learned about catmint from lurking around the medicine den. It grew near Twoleg nests, but EmberClan was lucky enough to be left alone by the hairless creatures. I heard there was a group of rogues that stored away a lot of herbs. What was it that Silverbird had said about rogues? There were part of one of my bright futures, I remembered. Maybe they were the key to my survival.

I padded forward, nose twitching. Catmint was fine and dandy, but I also needed water, and food. I could catch prey, although it'd be hard without Smokepaw. And there were probably some streams nearby. I stalked forward, eyes aimed at a rustling bush. Was that mouse-scent? Or something else?

A small black nose poked out of the bushes.

A short orange muzzle followed, dotted with lots of whiskers.

Slowly, steadily, a fox pushed towards me, long claws extended and bushy tail waving.

I scampered away, but the fox was faster. It was on me a few seconds. In one last, desperate attempt to get away, I slapped its cheek. The fox gave an angry glare.

"Geet," it breathed in a strange accent, "ooouuut."

I scrambled backwards, trying to face towards it in case the fox decided to attack again. "Stay away," I snarled. "Unless you want another claw to the face!"  
The fox growled, circling around me. "Fiiilthy caaat," it spat.

"Filthy fox!" I exclaimed.

I was about to attack again- I could sense that familiar warrior feeling start to activate- when a dark orangish brown shape shot out of the bushes, landing on the fox like a spark of lightning. I froze in place. It was a cat! A she-cat was helping me fight this fox! I shook off the initial shock and bounded forward to help her.

We attacked from both sides, me on the right and the stranger on the left. I could feel every blow the fox made, every claw that shredded my pelt, but I kept fighting. _This cat needs me_ , I kept thinking. _I have to stand my ground_. And then, the fox gave a strong shake, knocking us both away. I landed in the dust, coughing.

Where was the stranger? I blinked. She was a few tail-lengths away, being pinned down by the fox!

I scrambled forward. _Can I get there in time? How can I call myself a cat if I let the fox hurt her?_ And suddenly I was running, barreling towards the fox. I launched myself into the air, claws extended, and slammed into it. I could hear some yelping, and then the fox was running away, just as fast as it came.

The blood was still roaring in my ears. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. _A fox attacked. That's it. A fox attacked, and now it's gone, and it won't hurt me or this she-cat anymore, ever, not a chance-_

"Who are you?" the stranger asked.

"I-" I tried to say, but I faltered. Who was I, really? Certainly not Heatherpaw, not anymore.

"I'm Heather," I said. "I'm a loner."

"That's a nice name," the she-cat said with a friendly smile. "I'm Meadowlark; I'm a rogue."

I tried to remember what Hollywhisker said about the rogues. Not that they were _bad_ , really, just that she didn't want to aggravate them. Did they have some sort of history with the Clans? Should I stay away from this Meadowlark character?

 _But she's my only chance of survival._ I needed food, rest, and most of all catmint. I could scrape by with the occasional mouse, but if I didn't get herbs, there was a high chance I'd get blackcough. And there were few survivors of the deadly disease.

"If you don't mind," I said, "could I join the rogues?"

"You'd have to talk to Finch," she said. "I'm not in charge of admitting cats."

"Finch? Is he your leader?" I asked.

"She," Meadowlark corrected. "And she is. I don't know if she'll let you in, though. You smell like a Clan cat."

"I've left them behind," I said quickly.

"Still," Meadowlark said, opening her jaws to take in my scent. "There's no guarantee you'll get in. Do you have any special talents?"

"I can heal," I told her, trying to stand up straighter. "And you saw me fight. You can vouch for me."

"I suppose that's right," Meadowlark said. "Well, you can come back to our camp with us." She stood up and turned around. "Mockingbird! Kingfisher!"

A black-and-white she-cat bounded forward. "Is that you, Meadow-"

She stopped dead when she saw me.

"Stranger!" she suddenly shouted, tackling me down. "She's come to steal our prey!"

"Kingfisher!" Meadowlark exclaimed, but the other she-cat didn't listen. She clamped her paws down on her throat, claws half unsheathed.

"Get off of me," I mumbled through her paws.

"You're on our land!" Kingfisher protested. Meadowlark shoved her off me, and she landed on the ground with a hiss.

A third and final she-cat stepped into view. She was a gray-and-cream tortoiseshell, about the same age as Mockingbird and Kingfisher, and she looked observant. Her eyes were drilling into my forehead in a way I didn't quite like.

"Who's this?" she asked.

"It's Heather," Meadowlark said quickly. "She's a loner. She just helped me chase off a fox, and I think she'd make a great addition to the rogues."

"She's an outsider, Mockingbird," Kingfisher snorted. "And she reeks of the Clans!"

Kingfisher's head was all black except for her chin, so she looked like she had a perpetual frown on her face. It didn't help that she was angry just then.

"Did you used to be a Clan cat?" Mockingbird asked.

"She's a lone-" Meadowlark interrupted, but Mockingbird cut her off with a glare.

"I did," I said. "But I left that behind. You don't have to worry if you think I'm still loyal to the Clans," I added. "If you let me in, I promise, I'll be devoted to you and only you."

"Think of all of the Clan secrets she'll have," Mockingbird said. Her tone sent a chill down my spine. Did this cat only think of me as a toy?

"Still," Kingfisher said. "We don't just let in any cat that stumbles into our borders."

"She's not just any cat," Meadowlark said.

"And anyways, it's not our place to decide," Mockingbird said. "Let's see what Finch says."

"What do you think?" Meadowlark said, turning to me.

I dipped my head. "Show me the way to your camp."


	13. Twelve: Leader of the Rogues

I was trying hard not to think of my old Clan. That was behind me, and the rogues ahead, so I shouldn't be allowed to stew about it. But still, I couldn't help but imagine what Sunfoot was doing. Was she worrying about me? I didn't want her to. I wanted her to be happy.

And Gorsepaw, of course. He was my brother. I missed him just thinking of his bright face and flicking tail. I wondered if he missed me just as painfully as I missed him.

I padded after the three she-cats, feeling thoughtful. And what about them? I imagined being in Kingfisher's paws. A cat smelling strongly of your enemies, the wretched Clans, comes strolling into your territory acting like she owns the place. Come to think of it, I was surprised Meadowlark and Mockingbird didn't attack me like their friend did.

"Catch up, you lousy slowpoke!" Kingfisher cried.

My sympathy for her vanished.

"When will we get there?" I asked, trying to direct the question to Meadowlark.

"We're close already," Meadowlark answered. "I think Finch is leaving her nest; I can scent her."

A mottled brown she-cat, who would have be the mirror image of Meadowlark if she wasn't so tall and wise-looking, shoved through the bushes and growled. Her green eyes were drilling into my forehead, glaring. My fur bristled and I backed away.

"Hi, Finch," Meadowlark said. "This is Heather, and she wants to join the rogues." Meadowlark nodded to me.

"And she totally shouldn't," Kingfisher added in quickly. "She's a _Clan_ cat, Finch. She's probably a spy."

"She saved me from a fox," Meadowlark retorted.

"She's evil!" cried Kingfisher. "All Clan cats are evil!"

"And she probably has dozens of Clan secrets," Mockingbird nodded. "Imagine what we could dig out of her." The look in Mockingbird's eyes unsettled me.

Finch nodded at all of us. "I understand what you're getting at. If the Clans get any fiercer, we'll need the extra paws. But you three are just kits, and adults make the real decisions."

Just kits? If these three she-cats were in EmberClan, they'd practically be warriors.

"Please let her stay," Meadowlark begged.

"Please _don't_ ," Kingfisher muttered angrily.

Finch's eyes tested mine. I had been through a lot and I was nearly exhausted, so I stared back defiantly. I didn't care if it made Finch hate me because of it. I just wanted to show her that I wasn't afraid.

"We will fight," Finch said. "You and I. If I deem you worthy, you can join us. If you're as pathetic as Kingfisher thinks you are, you'll wish you'd never been born."

 _Jokes on you, I already wish that,_ I wanted to retort. Or at least I wished I'd been born as a regular warrior and not the cat I was, a cat torn between thrashing claws and soothing coltsfoot.

"We will battle tonight," Finch nodded. "That is plenty of time to prepare."

"I don't need to prepare," I told her.

"Oh?" she said. And her expression was so snarky and superior, I just had to do it. Making sure to keep my claws sheathed, I whacked her on the face.

Finch roared and launched herself at me. For a moment, I was frozen by shock. This tall, skinny cat had such strength… I didn't understand it. It took a moment for it to fully sink it. Finally, I managed to gather my bearings and wrestle away from Finch.

We stood opposite to each other, tense, waiting for the other to strike. Getting impatient, I bounded towards her. She reared up and tried to strike me down.

Claws tore my cheek. _So we're playing it this way_ , I thought nastily. Unsheathing my claws, I grabbed ahold of Finch's flank and tore. She yelped and managed to wriggle away, but her sides had matching scratches. I grinned and pounced on her.

She met in the middle, using her paws to block my attacks. We wrestled around, and I managed to hold my ground long enough. But finally, when my weariness overcame me and Finch jumped in for the final move, I collapsed. She tore and bit my fur, and I didn't resist. Finally, Finch got up, gave her ruffled for a lick, and looked down at me.

"You have a good heart and sharp skills," she praised. "Rarely do cats as young and tired as you manage to keep up for that long. Tell me, what Clan do you belong to?"

"EmberClan," I panted, still weary.

"Flintstar must appreciate you very much," Finch murmured.

"It's about the opposite," I said. "I used to be set on being a medicine cat, and Flintstar didn't like that. He kicked me out."

I couldn't mention Cloudpaw. Just thinking about him made me want to bury myself in the earth and never get back up, because what sort of world was awful enough to not have herbs _or_ Cloudpaw?

"I'd heard of it," Finch said. "Ember's curse, you know. But I didn't expect to see it playing before my eyes. Well, we welcome any kind of medicine cat here, because there are no curses laid down by ancient leaders. We're all clean here."

 _This is a new home_ , I told myself. _No Flintstar. No IceClan. No Ember's curse._ But my heart seemed to break in two when I thought about what else this new home didn't have. _No Gorsepaw. No Fernpaw. No Sunfoot, no Hollywhisker, no Smokepaw, and especially no Cloudpaw. Is this really the home I belong to?_


	14. Thirteen: Scars

I stared at the freshly-picked chunk of catmint in front of me, repulsed.

As soon as I had gotten to the rogues' camp, Finch whisked me off to their medicine den. Their healer, White Moon, was testing me of all the herbs I knew. And like the total idiot I was, I couldn't get out a word.

"What's this?" White Moon said sharply.

The only noise that came out of my throat sounded like a combination of a choke and a strangled meow.

"Ridiculous Clan cat," she hissed. "Do you really know herbs, or was Finch lying to me?" She pulled out some comfrey and set it at my paws. "Now what's this?"

I didn't speak. Instead, I thought miserably of Cloudpaw.

How could I be a healer, after what had happened to me? How could I use coltsfoot, tansy, and catmint when I couldn't heal Cloudpaw with them? Whenever White Moon put an herb at my paws, all I could think about was how much I failed.

"I -" I said, my voice painfully thin. "That's - comfrey."

"That took a while to get out of you," White Moon snorted. "Clearly you don't know a thing about healing. Now get away from these herbs before you hurt yourself." She turned away and started poking at some seeds.

"Those… are foxglove seeds," I murmured. "They're… p… poisonous."

White Moon glanced down at them, surprised, and then her gazed hardened. "I knew that," she hissed, shoving them away from her pile of poppy seeds.

I nodded and stepped out of the den. Once I was out of view, I darted towards the den, wanting to put as much space between me and White Moon as possible.

Slowly, I settled down in my nest- right next to Meadowlark's- and faced facts.

I would never see Cloudpaw again. He hadn't been there when I visited StarClan, so he clearly wasn't planning on trying to find me. If he cared at all about me, he wasn't showing it.

I would never be able to heal again, not like I used to. Not after what had happened.

I would never hear the words "Ember's cursed quack" again. For some reason that realization was awful, although I wasn't entirely sure why.

And finally, I would never be a medicine cat.

 _Goodbye, dreams,_ I thought. _I hope to see you soon. In StarClan, maybe._

"Are you useless or something?"

My ears pricked up, and I met Finch's eyes. They were cold and distant, and her tail flicked back and forth angrily.

"You said you could heal," she murmured coolly.

"I thought I could," I replied with a gulp. I forced myself to speak, however painful it was. "I'm sorry, but… I had a little difficult getting along with my Clan, and a cat joined StarClan under my care because I didn't have the proper herbs. I don't think I'm ready to be a healer yet."

"Why should I keep you if you can't heal?" Finch growled.

"I can hunt and fight as well as any cat," I answered. _Well… not exactly. I'm a miserable hunter._

"You'll serve the rogues?" Finch said. "We've earned your loyalty?"

"I have no one else to be loyal to," I said.

Finch's eyes narrowed. For a moment, she was silent, but finally she spoke. "You remember when you fought me earlier?"

I nodded. I still had a few scratches left over, the most noticeable on my back after Finch had pounced for the last time. They would probably scar.

"You're an excellent fighter, Heather," she said. "I want to see you do with a cat that's stronger than me."

I gulped. "You mean there's a cat who's even better at fighting than you?"

Finch dipped her head. "I was chosen for my smarts, not my strength. Heather, I want you to fight Rocky."

"Rocky?" I asked. He sounded tough.

"He's Kingfisher and Storm Cloud's father," Finch said. "Cats call him the king of the fighters. If you can hold your ground against him, it doesn't matter how good at hunting or healing you are. The rogues will have to accept you."

Well, that sounded promising.

"You'll have time to prepare, of course," Finch said, "but so will Rocky. Now, go to the kittens' den to rest. And give yourself a good wash," she added. "You're looking scruffy."

I glanced down at myself. I had never properly cleaned my wounds after the fight with Finch.

"Alright," I said. "I'll head off, then."

I padded into the kittens' den. Three nests - Meadowlark's, Mockingbird's, and Storm Cloud's - were empty. Kingfisher was curled up in the last remaining nest. I didn't want to complain that I didn't have any moss to lay on, so I sat down to the side and starting licking myself.

"Do you like being in the rogues?" I asked Kingfisher.

"Meh," she replied.

"Well, it's an improvement over Clan life," I said. "Flintstar was always putting me down because I liked herbs. But things are different here."

"I've only seen Flintstar once," Kingfisher said. "He was patrolling the edge of his border with three other cats, all she-cats: a fluffy gray one, a ginger one, and a dark orange kitten."

"What?" I said. "Kits aren't allowed out of camp."

"Really?" Kingfisher said. "Ours are."

"Oh," I said, feeling stupid. "We call cats under six moons old kits."

Kingfisher tilted her head. "In the rogues, cats are called kittens until they're a year old."

"Anyway," I said, "I bet that kit you saw was Fernpaw. She's one of my old friends."

"Hmm," Kingfisher mewed. "And who were the others?"

"The fluffy gray one was probably Rainfeather, the deputy," I said, thinking. "And the other one was Amberfoot, Fernpaw's mentor."  
"What's a deputy?" she asked. "A mentor?"

"Do you not know anything about Clan life?" I said, smirking. Kingfisher looked away, and just then I realized it was the wrong thing to say. "I guess I don't know anything about rogues," I said quickly. "Deputies are second-in-command to the leader. And every apprentice has a special mentor to teach them."

"Hmm," Kingfisher said again. "Out here, everyone trains the kits. And when you're one year old, you become a full member. Everyone specializes in something, like how White Moon is a healer."

"What do you specialize in?" I asked.

"Nothing yet," she said. "But I want to be a fighter, like my father." She flexed her claws.

"Want to train with me?" I asked. "I need practice before I face Rocky."

Kingfisher turned away. "I guess. I don't know why you're bothering with me, she-cat. Everyone knows that Clan cats don't stay here long."

"That doesn't mean _I'm_ going to leave," I said with a frown. "Why are you being so…"

"So weird?" Kingfisher said coldly. "That's what everybody says behind my back. Are you the same? Are you one of those cats who always judge me? Why can't you just _go away_?!"

I opened my jaws to reply, but I decided against it when Meadowlark stepped into the den and settled down in her nest. Meadowlark glanced at both of us, as if she was wondering why we weren't chatting.

"Are you fitting in?" she asked me. "I know Finch created this group for cats who didn't want to be part of a Clan, but sometimes I feel like it's just as difficult here as it would be in the Clans. Finch's trying too hard to be a good leader."

Meadowlark spoke for a bit longer, clearly wanting one of us to say something, but I kept silent. If Kingfisher wanted to play this game, I could play it just as well.

* * *

Rocky was easily as large as Flintstar, and twice as vicious. He had the same sort of fierce, cunning gaze as Kingfisher, and from the few glimpses I got of Storm Cloud, he was the same way. I doubted I could best him, after Finch had beaten me so easily, but I had to try. If I could find his weak spots...

Every part of Rocky's body seemed thick and well-muscled and hard to claw, except for his soft underbelly. But he guarded it too well. Could I attack his haunches? He seemed to put too much weight on his back legs, but I doubted I could get a good enough grip of them. Not sure what else to do, I lashed out at his face. Rocky blocked it easily with his paws.

"You can't trick me, worm," Rocky hissed. I knew he was trying to lure me into making a stupid move, and I wouldn't fall for that game.

"First of all," I said, "I'm a cat, not a worm. And second…" While he was distracted, I launched myself forward and raked my claws down his flank. "Who's the worm now?" I taunted.

Rocky roared and scrambled towards me, and I felt claws tear at the tip of my tail as I dodged. _Too slow,_ I thought, cringing at the pain in my tail. I would have to deal with it.

I couldn't win this battle with force, I knew. Rocky was large, muscular, and lithe. I was small and weak in comparison. So I had to find a way to outwit him. That would be plenty difficult. He looked clever and quick-thinking, and there was a gleam to his eyes.

Rocky bounded towards me, and instinct kicked in. I hopped up to counter him, and he caught me and shoved me over. I collapsed.

Oh yeah. He was much stronger than me.

I grunted and got to my paws, but Rocky gave me no time to recover. He barreled into me, and I fell again. I let myself lie limp, hoping that Rocky would think I had given up. Then, when he relaxed, I surged upwards and clawed his face.

Rocky blinked. Blood was dripping from a cut I had just left on his eyebrow, and he looked startled.

"Stupid kitten," he growled. "You young ones are too smart for your own good."

I hopped up to give him another scratch, and he snarled and shoved me aside. He tried to pounce, but I scampered away just in time. We danced back and forth, our fangs bared and our claws at the ready. Finally, Rocky slammed into me, pinning me down my shoulders. I could feel his hot, fishy breath on my face.

"I am the winner!" he screeched. "I will always be the winner! I am the king of the fighters!"

He took his paws off of me to continue shouting, and I limped upwards and clawed him in the back.

"Rragh!" Rocky cried. "Why, you… get over here and let me tear you limb from limb!"

I dodged as fast as I could, and true to my expectations, Rocky thrashed out at me. Hopping nimbly, I bounded out of the clearing and into the den I shared with the other kittens. Mockingbird was sitting inside, and she flattened her ears at Rocky's scream of anger.

"You won?" she guessed.

"Sort of," I replied.


	15. Fourteen: Hunting, Fighting, and Healing

Slowly, steadily, Kingfisher was warming up to me. She was impressed that I managed to hold my ground for so long, even though I technically lost the fight. And I was trying my best to be a good friend, to take into account everyone's feelings. Kingfisher's standards for a good cat were a tier higher than I was used to.

And then, one day, she asked if Meadowlark, Mockingbird, and I could go hunting.

She _included_ me.

I still hadn't quite figured out Mockingbird, and I wasn't eager to - she always thought in terms of what was best for the rogues, and didn't bother if someone got hurt or their feelings got in the way. But I definitely liked Meadowlark and Kingfisher. They were both honest and dependable, and although Kingfisher could be a little crazy sometimes, she was a good cat. I was glad to be on a hunting mission with them. And I was especially glad to feel a part of their group.

We hunted swiftly and caught a rabbit, two mice, and a vole. Before we got back to camp, I saw a fluttering of blue wings and caught bird scent. There was a bird flying around, I thought excitedly. I crouched down, slowly sneaking towards it. It didn't see me!

I pounced and soared through the air. But I was too slow; the bird flapped away, letting out a loud alarm call. I jumped again, and it soared out of view. Mockingbird gave me a cold glare.

"Why are you bothering hunting birds, kitten?" she said. I seethed; she put extra stress on "kitten", like she was trying to insult me.

"It's food!" I informed her. "Any prey is good prey, right?"

"We don't _eat_ birds," Mockingbird said. "It's a waste of energy."

"It's food," I protested weakly. But I knew Mockingbird was right; there was no point in chasing after bluejays. One day, we would be real rogues, not the kittens that we were today. We had to take things seriously.

So why did I go after that bird?

We had almost gotten back to the rogues' camp when it hit me: Smokepaw.

I had promised him I'd catch ten birds. And then, getting choked up, I remembered my Clan. Sunfoot, Gorsepaw, Fernpaw, Smokepaw, and even Cloudpaw. I had left them all behind. I would never feel Sunfoot's soothing tongue behind my ear, or play-fight with Gorsepaw, or chat with Fernpaw. I would never hunt with Smokepaw again, and I would never, ever see Cloudpaw's bright green eyes.

But I also wouldn't be scorned over by Flintstar, or scolded by Mothflame. I had made the right decision.

I just didn't understand why it hurt so much.

* * *

One day, during a hunting trip with Meadowlark, Kingfisher, and Mockingbird, I got kicked by a particularly fierce rabbit. Blood was dripping from a cut above my eye, and I went to White Moon's den for cobwebs. She wasn't there, so I helped myself to the tangled mass of silk, plastering it onto the cut. I was careful not to take too much. If we got into a fight with the Clans, a tussle with a rabbit would seem like nothing, and herbs weren't unlimited.

I bumped into White Moon outside of the den. She looked in awe at the clump of cobwebs on my face.

"You - I thought you couldn't heal," White Moon said breathlessly. "But you've done it so perfectly and evenly… and you didn't take too much… Finch was right when she said you could heal, she certainly was…"

"Can you stop chattering and let me go?" I complained, my skin crawling with embarrassment.

"Tell me," White Moon said, "what's the best treatment for greencough?"

It spilled out of my mouth before I could control myself. "Catmint."

"Fever?"

"That's easy," I said. "Feverfew."

"Dislocated bone?" White Moon continued.

I stared at her. "Give the cat a stick to bite down on, then tug the bone back into place. If they're in pain, patient poppy seeds will help."

"Chills?"

"Lick the fur backwards."

"Shock?"

"Thyme leaves do the trick."

"Torn claw?"

I thought. "I… don't know. Let it sit for a while?"

White Moon looked at me, then gave a slow nod of approval. "Torn claws will eventually heal themselves. But it's good to treat them with cobwebs and marigold. Heather, where did you learn about herbs? Why didn't you know about them before?"

"Well," I said, feeling thoroughly uncomfortable, "it's… Er…"

"Tell me," White Moon said sharply.

"Um, well, I've always known I wanted to be a medicine cat," I started. "So I just… I watched EmberClan's medicine cat, Hollywhisker, treat patients. And I learned the basics of it. I also got some training for a short, erm, period… But nothing too formal."

"Were you playing dumb when I quizzed you the first time?" White Moon asked, her whiskers twitching in amusement.

"No," I said. "I… It's just… something happened. I couldn't save a patient, and it was too hard to think about herbs anymore, because if I had just done my job and used them right…" I stopped there, feeling a searing pain in my chest. It was painful, talking about Cloudpaw. But it was really astounding that I had managed to say anything at all. Could I finally be starting to get over him?

"Heather, do you want me to train you as a healer?" White Moon asked. "You have the skills for it."

I almost stopped breathing. _Me_? Train as a healer? Could my dream finally be coming true?

I felt something flicker in my mind. If I chose to be a healer, I wouldn't be able to have a mate; that was against the medicine cat code, and as far as I was concerned, healers should stick to the code as well. I'd never even thought about having a mate, and I never in the least wanted one, so why did that get under my skin so much? There was no one for me to love; Cloudpaw was dead and the Clan behind me, and I had no interest in the toms here. But I still felt my heart sink at the prospect of not being allowed a mate.

"So?" White Moon said. "What's your answer?"

"I'll do it," I said quickly. "I'll train under you, White Moon."

I could feel eyes boring into the back of my head. I turned around. Kingfisher was giving me a death glare. For a heartbeat I was concerned, but I shrugged it off. That was just Kingfisher being Kingfisher; it couldn't be more important than this, than my _destiny_.

"I think you'd make a great healer," White Moon nodded. "More so than Hunter ever was."

"So this is really happening?" I asked. "I'm going to be a healer?"

"Yes, Heather," she said, her eyes shining. "Let's get started right away."


	16. Fifteen: The Brightest Future

White Moon taught me more herbs than I knew existed. She told me about diseases that didn't have names in the Clans, and showed me herbs that I hadn't ever heard of. And yet, there was some stuff that White Moon didn't know. She was confused at the word "watermint"; she didn't recognize the term "kittencough". It was amazing at just how different the rogues were from the Clans.

And then I realized that maybe that was for the better. I could use what both medicine cats knew to heal the rogues; I had more knowledge of herbs than any rogue or Clan cat. I could become the best healer ever.

I loved healing. It really was my destiny, even if it wasn't the path that EmberClan had wanted. I was a healer, had been born a healer, would always be a healer.

But still, even though the Clan was far behind me, complications still got in the way.

"Do you even know who your friends are anymore?" Kingfisher spat whenever I walked near her. I think she took it as an insult, that I was spending so much time with White Moon.

"You, Meadowlark, and Mockingbird will always be my friends," I promised. "But Kingfisher, I've always wanted to become a healer. I can't just give up on that."

"I'm not expecting you to," Kingfisher retorted.

"Then what are you _expecting_ me to do?" I asked. The words came out harsher than I intended.

"Spend some time with your real friends," Kingfisher replied,.

If I had time, Meadowlark and Mockingbird would still chat with me. But Kingfisher never went with us. She started avoiding us completely and only hunting with Storm Cloud. I knew I needed to patch things up, but I felt too bitter. Kingfisher started this; if she still wanted to be friends, it was her responsibility to talk to me. Was that shallow of me? _No_ , a voice told me. _It's not your fault, you and her just rub the wrong way. Your friendship was doomed from the start._ I felt guilty that I actually believed that.

The days passed, slowly, sadly. I found myself missing EmberClan more than ever, which was strange, because wasn't I doing what I had always wanted to? What Flintstar had never let me do? Shouldn't finally becoming a healer feel more… happy?

But despite myself, I missed my Clan. I wanted to see the cats I had grown up with so badly, I felt my chest hurt. Giving up my medicine cat dream was something I had never considered, but I knew that I would do it to be with my old friends and family. And as Kingfisher grew more and more distant, I grew more and more certain of that.

Silverbird visited me once, while I was hunting.

"Maybe this isn't the future for you," she said. "You're sad, Heather, sadder than I've ever seen you before. You don't have to stay with the rogues if you don't want to."

"They're the only cats I have," I replied bitterly. "Flintstar would never let me back."

Silverbird turned and padded away, a mournful look in her eyes. And then, quite suddenly, I felt a presence. It wasn't Silverbird - I could feel this presence from somewhere behind me. But no matter how many times I turned, there was no cat watching me. I left the clearing where I was hunting and the presence was lifted away.

* * *

I could smell Kingfisher - she smelled distinctly like dusty earth and oak trees - long before I saw her white paws pad into my den.

"What are you doing here?" I grunted. "I'm trying to sort these herbs."

Kingfisher was silent. I was about to growl at her, but then I saw the fear in her wide eyes. What was wrong?

"Come," Kingfisher said softly.

I followed, feeling panic rise in my chest. What could make _Kingfisher_ afraid? She led me to the center of the rogues' camp, where a pale gray-and-cream cat was lying in the center, blood dripping from at least four different spots.

Cats were yowling out, whimpering, yelling for me to do something. My heart started to thud as I realized that the injured cat was Mockingbird.

"My _StarClan_ ," I hissed. "Kingfisher, why didn't you… How did you… Why…"

"Badger attack," breathed Meadowlark, who was leaning over Mockingbird.

"Where's White Moon?" I squeaked.

"Looking for herbs," Meadowlark said. "Storm Cloud's searching for her, but we don't know if Mockingbird can survive that long. Hunter's gone as well."

All eyes were on me. Shaking, I tried to fend off the panic that was consuming me. I couldn't do this! I couldn't heal! Cloudpaw was _dead_ because of me! I blinked away my tears, took a deep breath, and examined the wound.

Blood never made me feel weak, but I wanted to faint looking at Mockingbird's limp form.

"Cobwebs," I said softly. No one moved.

"Cobwebs!" I cried out. "Will someone get me some cobwebs?"

Rose, a hunter, ran to White Moon's den and pulled out a clump of silvery threads. I started plastering them across Mockingbird's wounds, but they could only barely stop the bleeding. Feeling my heart thud, I paced back and forth, thinking.

"Rrrragh," Mockingbird moaned.

"Poppy seeds!" I shouted. "Someone get me some poppy seeds!"

Silver Stone, another hunter, got a heaping pile of the seeds. Feeling desperate, I laid them at Mockingbird's mouth, letting her lick them up. That would stop the pain… the cobwebs would stop the bleeding… so why wasn't Mockingbird getting up?

What else would work? Marigold? I could barely breathe, much less call out the herb. And I definitely couldn't use it properly. Panicking, I lay down next to Mockingbird, trying to examine her scratches. The blood was seeping through the cobwebs.

Moments passed. Mockingbird's breathing was uneven, like she was struggling to get air into her.

The minutes ticked by. The rogues watched me, silently.

And then finally, White Moon padded into camp.

She licked the wounds carefully, reapplied the cobwebs, and made a poultice of marigold to apply to the wounds. She didn't even wash the blood off of her tongue until she was done, and when she did, she chose a puddle nearby and kept her eyes on Mockingbird. I sat their watching, like an idiot.

I had failed. Again.

How could I call myself a healer when I had _failed_?

"Is all of your stupid training for nothing?" Kingfisher roared. "Why do you even bother learning from White Moon if you still don't know how to treat a stupid badger bite?"

"I panicked!" I whimpered. "You would do the same if you were in my position!"

"I bet you don't even like healing!" Kingfisher snarled. "I beat that you spend so much time with White Moon because you hate me, and you want a good reason not to be around my stupid excuse for a cat!"

"No," I said firmly. "No! You're important to me, Kingfisher!"

"No, I'm not!" she said, turning away. And then she added coldly, "You're only friends with me because of Meadowlark."

"You're being an idiot!" I cried.

"That's me," she growled. "Kingfisher, the idiot. Kingfisher, the crazy one. Just go away, will you?"

"Fine!" I screamed.

I don't know what compelled me to run, but I ran. And I didn't look back. My only focus was on the beating of my paws and thrumming of my heart as I sprinted as fast as I could.

I tried not to remember the last time I ran away. After Cloudpaw.

"Heather!" Kingfisher cried. "Heather, I didn't mean it in _that_ way!"

"Well, you said it!" I spat.

"Come back here, you weirdo!" Meadowlark shouted. "You're a rogue, Heather, you're with us!"

"Maybe," I panted, "maybe that's not my destiny. Maybe I'm supposed to be a Clan cat!"

"Heather," Meadowlark gasped. "H-Heather, you're our friend."

I could hear Meadowlark grind to a halt and fall over, defeated, but I kept going. Kingfisher still trailed behind. Why wouldn't she give up? Why couldn't she just let me do I wanted to do?  
I would find EmberClan again. I had failed as a healer; maybe being with my family was really the brightest future for me.

"Heather!" Kingfisher shrieked. "Heather, watch out!"

"I don't need your -" I screeched back, but my words were cut off when the ground beneath me disappeared.

I scrambled away, but it was too late.

Time slowed.

The water reached out with its hungry talons.

And I was swept up in the raging current.

"No!" Kingfisher shouted. "Heather, please! I take it back!"

I thrashed around, trying to make my way back to the bank, but the water was swallowing me. I couldn't swim!

The last thing I saw was Kingfisher's shocked face, fox-lengths upon fox-lengths upon fox-lengths away.

The last thing I heard was her cry of anger - was she angry at me? Or someone else?

And the last thing I felt before I blacked out was teeth clenching my scruff.


	17. Sixteen: The New Leader

"Get off of her!" Kingfisher snarled.

I looked up, blinking the sleep out of my eyes. "Kingfisher? What's wrong? Why are you mad?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong," said a familiar voice. " _Somebody_ rescued you, and this idiotic rogue is getting in the way!"

Could that really be? I hardly dared to breath. Was it actually -

"Fernpaw!" I cried. "You... you saved me? What are you doing all of the way out here?"

"You know this cat?" Kingfisher hissed.

"Who's this?" Fernpaw snarled.

"Calm down, guys," I said, sitting up. "Fernpaw, this is Kingfisher. She's..." Did we count as friends now? "She's a rogue. I've been staying with her and some other rogues since I left. And Kingfisher, this is Fernpaw. She used to be my best friend."

"Um," Fernpaw said. "Small correction. I'm Fern _tail_ now."

"Ferntail!" I cried out. "Oh my StarClan, you're a warrior! How was your assessment? What did Flintstar say at your ceremony?"

"Um, also," Fernpaw said again. "I don't know if you know this, but Flintstar's dead."

My heart seemed to stop.

How could Flintstar be dead? How could the cat who had ruled over my life for so long just be gone? And what did that mean about me being a medicine cat, me joining the Clan again?

And was I joining EmberClan? I'd be giving up being a healer. If I did this, it meant I'd be choosing my family over herbs. I wasn't sure if I was prepared to do that.

"Is the Rainfeather the new leader?" I asked, not wanting to think about that any longer. "Who's the deputy?"

"Gorseclaw," Ferntail answered. "Oh, you weren't their for his ceremony. It's your brother, Gorsepaw."

"He's the deputy? Who's his apprentice?" I asked.

"A little kit named Redpaw," Ferntail said. "He's still in training."

"So much has happened," I breathed. "What's Smokepaw's warrior name? Nightpaw's? Cinderpaw's? No, let me guess. Cinderfoot?"

"Cinderstripe," Ferntail said. "Smokecloud. And Nightheart. Oh, Heatherpaw, I've missed you so much; EmberClan will be happy to see you."

"I've missed you, too," I purred. Kingfisher shot me a look.

"Hello?" she said. "The rogues? Your friends?"

"I -" i said. "Will you come with me to EmberClan?"

I could almost feel my heart shatter. I was doing it, wasn't I? I was rejoining EmberClan? I couldn't call myself a healer anymore.

Just then, Meadowlark came sprinting in. Behind her trailed Storm Cloud and a slow, struggling Mockingbird.

"It's an enemy cat!" Meadowlark cried out, soaring through the air towards Ferntail.

"Stop it!" I shouted, but Meadowlark didn't have enough time to pull up and Ferntail didn't have enough time to dodge. They crashed into each other, collapsing into a heap of fur and twitching legs.

"Who is this?" Mockingbird spat.

"There's _more_?" cried Ferntail.

"Calm down," I repeated. "Ferntail, these are are three of my rogue friends - Meadowlark, Mockingbird, and Storm Cloud. And you three, this is Ferntail. We used to be apprentices together."

"Can we trust her?" Storm Cloud hissed.

"Of course you can!" Ferntail said, looking offended. "I should be asking you the same thing!"

"I would trust these cats with my life," I said. "Ferntail, I was thinking... It might be time for me to come back to EmberClan. If Flintstar's really gone, that is."

"But what about us?" Meadowlark said.

"You can come with me, of course," I said quickly. "I just... I miss my Clan so much."

"We _are_ your Clan!" Kingfisher said. "You belong in the rogues!"

"EmberClan," I corrected. "I miss my brother, I miss Ferntail and Sunfoot and Smokecloud and Cinderstripe. I've been away too long."

"I'd come with you," Meadowlark promised.

"I wouldn't," Mockingbird snorted. "The rogues are my home. I shouldn't have followed you here, Meadowlark."

"Of course I'd follow you," Kingfisher said, glaring at Mockingbird. "You're my friend, Heather. Really."

"You all should join," I said. "You too, Mockingbird and Storm Cloud. I think you could learn to like EmberClan."

"I'll join," Storm Cloud said. "It sounds like it'd be fun."

As if on cue, we all turned to face Mockingbird. She didn't meet our eyes.

"I just don't think that this is what I want to do with me life," she said. "I've always been taught to avoid the Clans. And the rogues need me. Please, guys... just let me go."

"We won't force you," Meadowlark said quietly.

Mockingbird took a step back, and then another, and then another. And then she was limping back to the rogues as fast as she could, leaving us to think in silence. I was the last cat to say that Mockingbird was my friend, but I still didn't want to see her go.

Especially knowing that I couldn't heal her.

After a long, awkward pause, Ferntail finally said, "Let's get going."

She started into the forest. But then, seeing as nobody was following her, she turned and settled back down next to us.

"I can't believe Mockingbird is gone," Meadowlark said softly.

"There's no use moping about it," Ferntail said brightly. "Come on! Let's go on to EmberClan!"

"I thought she was our friend," Kingfisher murmured.

It was silent for a while longer.

"I'm going to follow Ferntail back to EmberClan," I said. "If you want to, please follow me... But you don't have to. If you want to go back with Mockingbird, I understand."

Ferntail turned back around, heading towards camp. I stood up and padded after her, glancing back at the three rogues. Were they going to follow me? I hoped so.

Kingfisher got up silently and walked towards me.

"Thank you," I mewed.

Storm Cloud joined us next, and finally, a miserable-looking Meadowlark. We walked in single file towards the camp, Ferntail in the lead and me taking up the rear. I took a deep sniff in, trying to catch all of the scents, and thought miserably of my flight from EmberClan not too long ago. _When Cloudpaw died and it was_ all my fault _and I had to leave,_ I thought.

We were nearing the edge of EmberClan territory. Instead of the rolling hills that the rogues lived on, EmberClan hunted in a flat, grassy plains, with long fronds that were usually taller than me. You could see the occasional tree dotting the landscape, and in the very far distance, a mountain peak just barely poked about the horizon. IceClan. You could always see the Great Icy Mountain from EmberClan territory.

"This is _home_ ," I said wistfully.

"The rogues' camp is home," Kingfisher retorted.

"But it's not my home," I said. "Kingfisher, this is the place I grew up in, trained in, lived in. This place is to me as the rogues' camp is to you."

Kingfisher didn't respond, so I went back to looking around at the territory. Everything was bright green with new-leaf. It had been leaf-fall when I left; that meant a good six moons had passed. I wondered if there were any new kits or apprentices. The nursery was empty when I left, but Amberfoot had been looking quite plump. Perhaps she had had kits in the time I was gone.

"This is the border," Ferntail said, breaking the silence. "Be careful, guys. Just to be safe, we should try not to run into any patrols."

"Sounds easy enough," I said. "There are never too many patrols out at once."

Ferntail stared at me. "Didn't I tell you? We're at war with IceClan."

"We're at war with IceClan?" I yelped. "Are you insane? Don't you think you could have mentioned that _earlier_?"

"Did I not?" Ferntail said, looking alarmed. "Really, it's no big deal. But there's a lot more patrols out. Rainstar's got the border covered constantly. She's super strict about it. Border patrols all day, every day; at least one hunting patrol a day to feed the _entire Clan_ ; at least five battles in a single moon... Rainstar'll work your paws off."

Kingfisher made a look like she was really thinking about turning back now.

"I'd prefer to be in none of the hunting patrols," I said. "And all of the battles, thank you very much." I thought briefly of Smokecloud. Of course, if I could hunt with him, I'd be able to catch everything...

"Rainstar is nice," Ferntail said. "I'm sure she'll realize that you're better at fighting than hunting. But I wouldn't start asking to be a medicine cat. She's not terribly fond of healing, you know," Ferntail said, wrinkling her nose.

"Are you sure she'll let me back?" I asked.

"Of course," Ferntail said quickly. "She needs all of the paws she can get. IceClan doesn't seem to want to back down anytime soon."

The grass to Meadowlark's right rustled, and out of nowhere a shining red bullet shot through the air. I heard a yelping sound, and Meadowlark suddenly scrambled towards me.

"Get back here, you dung face!" a russet red tom snarled. "No trespassers on EmberClan territory!"

I was about to argue, but I fell short when I met his eyes. "Wh... Copperclaw! It's me, Heather!"

Copperclaw didn't unsheathe his claws, but he stood up straighter, slipping out of his perfect crouch.

"Calm down, Copperclaw," Ferntail said. "This is Heather, that one apprentice who ran away. And these are her friends, Meadowlark, Kingfisher, and Storm Cloud. There's no need to attack them."

"There is _all_ the need to attack her!" Copperclaw said, bristling. "She's the reason Cloudpaw's dead. She's an Ember's cursed traitor! She left us!"

"The thing with Cloudpaw was an accident," I said, trying to make my voice steady and calm. "I ran out of herbs. And I was too afraid to say in EmberClan."

"Coward!" Copperclaw exclaimed.

"Flintstar had made it very clear that I wouldn't be forgiven if I couldn't heal Cloudpaw," I continued. "But Rainstar is kinder. I want to know if she'll let me back."

Copperclaw glared at me skeptically. He turned and roared out a single, ear-piercing note, and then there was another rustle in the bushes. A large gray she-cat came crashing into view.

Rainstar was much sleeker and bigger than I imagined she'd be. I had always seen her as Flintstar's fluffy little sister - but she wasn't. She was nearly as big as Flintstar himself, and although her fur was a little puffy, it wasn't the kitten-soft coat I had always remembered. This was not the weak, injured cat I had healed and carried back to camp; this cat was much stronger, even with a hint of menace to the way she held herself. This cat wasn't Rainfeather. She was Rainstar.

"Heatherpaw," she said. I couldn't quite tell if she was angry or not.

"Heather," I corrected automatically. I winced. That was the wrong thing to say.

"What are you doing here?" Rainstar said calmly.

My heart was thudding, but I forced myself not to think about it. I had to seem confident. "I want back," I said. "This is my Clan, and I was wrong to leave, even if I thought I was saving my own life. Will you let me back?"

Rainstar held my gaze for a moment more, then looked over at Kingfisher, Meadowlark, and Storm Cloud.

"These three are excellent hunters and fighters," Ferntail said quickly. "They're coming to join the Clan with Heather. Please, please let them in, Rainstar, they're great cats. This one is Kingfisher, that one is Storm Cloud, and the one sitting over by Heather is Meadowlark."

Rainstar stared at them. Tension seemed to crackle in the air for several moments, until finally she stood up and touched my nose gently. Then she padded over and touched Storm Cloud, Kingfisher and Meadowlark's noses.

"You seem like strong cats. If the rest of the Clan accepts you, then you three will become apprentices," Rainstar said. "Welcome to EmberClan."

"Thank you, Rainstar," I said, holding back a sigh of relief. "I'm happy to join you."

Strangely feeling as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I padded back home with my three friends and my new leader, ready to see the Clan I had left moons ago.


	18. Seventeen: Mentors and Apprentices

The first cat I laid eyes on when I walked into camp was Smokecloud.

"Heatherpaw!" he exclaimed. "You're back! I thought you'd gone away for good."

A small black head poked out from behind him. It was Nightheart, whiskers twitching, ready to complain about something. "I don't see why you had to come back," she hissed. "Once a medicine cat, always a medicine cat. Flintstar should've hung your Ember's cursed pelt on the tallest tree in all of the territories and left you there to rot!"

"Nightheart!" Smokecloud exclaimed. "She's my friend!"

Despite Nightheart's insults, I found myself purring.

Storm Cloud took a step forward, breaking apart from the other rogues. "So this is Smokecloud, huh?" he said. "Our names are really similar. I'm Storm Cloud."

"That's neat," Smokecloud said. "Actually, I was named after my brother. He died when we were apprentices." He looked somber.

"You don't blame me for Cloudpaw's death, do you?" I asked, suddenly worried.

"No," Smokecloud said, "I don't. From what Hollywhisker told me, we should be blaming Nightheart!"

"Hey!" Nightheart exclaimed. "It's not my fault catmint tastes so good! And it was just lying out there, for any cat to eat it!"

I purred again. _He doesn't blame me! We can be friends again!_

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather for a Clan meeting!" Rainstar yowled, scrambling onto the pile of branches in the center of camp. Cats started to gather around, awaiting her news.

"I want to welcome three cats into EmberClan," Rainstar said."Kingfisher, Meadowlark, and Storm Cloud were once rogues, and Heather was one of our apprentices a few moons ago."

"She's nothing but trouble," Nightheart grumbled, just loud enough for me to hear.

"Does any cat have an objection to these three becoming apprentices?" Rainstar said.

"I do," Nightheart said under her breath.

"What was that?" Rainstar said.

"Nothing," Nightheart said innocently, straightening up and flattening her fur.

A few cats, including Mothflame, turned to glare at us, but nobody spoke their concerns. Perhaps they believed in Rainstar too much to object.

"Then they will be welcomed as full apprentices of EmberClan," Rainstar announced. "Heather, you have returned to your home Clan and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Heatherpaw. Your mentor will be Larchflight. He will pass down all he knows on to you." Larchflight climbed up to meet me without hesitation.

"Larchflight, you are ready to take on an apprentice. You had received excellent training from Thundertail, and you have shown yourself to be swift and determined. You will be the mentor of Heatherpaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to her," Rainstar said.

Larchflight glanced at me, tilting his head. It hadn't occurred to me that he would ever be old enough to have apprentice - in my mind, he was still plucky little Larchpaw.

"Meadowlark, you have asked to join EmberClan and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Larkpaw. Your mentor will be Ferntail. She will pass down all she knows on to you," Rainstar announced. Ferntail looked up excitedly.

"Ferntail, you are ready to take on an apprentice. You had received excellent training from Amberfoot, and you have shown yourself to be strong and smart. You will be the mentor of Larkpaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to her," Rainstar said.

Larkpaw looked quizzically at Ferntail.

"But," she said, "I'm older than her."

Ferntail glared at her.

"Kingfisher, you have asked to join EmberClan and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Shadowpaw. Your mentor will be Cinderstripe. She will pass down all she knows on to you," Rainstar said. "Cinderstripe, you are ready to take on an apprentice. You had received excellent training from Russetclaw, and you have shown yourself to be kind and caring. You will be the mentor of Shadowpaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to her."

Cindestripe stepped forward, touching her nose to Shadowpaw's. Shadowpaw bristled at her touch.

"It's alright," Cinderstripe said. "You're welcome here."

"Storm Cloud, you have asked to join EmberClan and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Stormpaw. Your mentor will be Ravenwing. He will pass down all he knows on to you," Rainstar said. "Ravenwing, you are ready to take on an apprentice. You had received excellent training from Ivyheart, and you have shown yourself to be kind and caring. You will be the mentor of Shadowpaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to her."

"Shadowpaw and Heatherpaw, you will have dawn patrol every morning," Rainstar said. "Larkpaw and Stormpaw, you will have the evening patrol. All four of you will will be assigned to a battle patrol if necessary. Shadowpaw and Larkpaw, you will have the sunhigh hunting patrol, and Heatherpaw and Stormpaw, you will have the sunhigh border patrol. You will train and take care of the elders' ticks during your spare time."

Larchflight looked over at me. "I have all of those patrols with you," he said. "Don't worry. It's not hard if you get used to it. And you won't need to spend that much time at all on the elders. Ivyheart passed away a moon ago, so for the time being, Heronfeather is the only elder."

I tilted my head at Larchflight, trying to decide if he was just shy or if he really had no personality at all.

Suddenly, three little bundles of fur came scrambling towards me. Two of them were dark red and one was a tortoiseshell she-kit.

"Hi," one of them squeaked. "I'm Redpaw. And these are my siblings, Adderpaw and Specklepaw."

So this tiny scrap was Gorseclaw's apprentice.

"You look big for an apprentice," Redpaw said.

"That's because I'm older," I said. "I should have become a warrior already, but I still need training."

"Okay," Redpaw said. "But why do you need training?"

"Because I was away for a very long time," I said, "and I couldn't train while I was gone. But I'm back now."

I heard soft pawsteps behind me, and turning around, I met the eyes of Gorseclaw.

"Hi," I said quietly. I couldn't think of anything else to say; I just stared at him.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you, Heatherpaw," he murmured. "I thought you left us for good. But you're alive, and you're back... and you're my emsister/em." His voice was suddenly dripping with emotion, and he buried his head into my neck fur, purring.

"So you're the deputy," I said, smiling.

It was such a surprise," Gorseclaw said. "Flintstar had just given be Redpaw - he's Amberfoot and Ravenwing's son, you know - when we heard the news. Talonstar found Flintstar patrolling the border alone, and he ordered his warriors to attack. They took away all three of his remaining lives. Before Rainstar left to get her nine lives, she announced that I'd be the new deputy."

Ferntail took a few paces towards us.

"It was ridiculous," she hissed, a playful light in her eyes. "I could've been deputy, you know, if Amberfoot had just had another kit! But noooooo, she had to only have four, and they all had mentors already! Lucky Mothflame got Russetpaw, Briarfang got Adderpaw, Copperclaw got Specklepaw, and Gorseclaw got Redpaw! I missed my chance to _shine_!"

I purred. I couldn't have been happier to be back with my Clan.

But there was still that nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Could I really give up healing? Was all of this worth it?

"Heatherpaw, we have some free time before moonrise," Larchflight said. "Cinderstripe was thinking we could tour the territories, show Larkpaw around. Do you want to come?"

"Of course," I said. "I haven't been here for moons; a little refresher can't hurt."

"We'll come, too," Ferntail offered. "If we hurry, we can get back and have some time to rest before the evening patrol."

"Stormpaw and I'll come along," Ravenwing said. "Can't hurt to show him the borders."

Shadowpaw, Larkpaw, Stormpaw, and I walked towards the entrance of the camp, tails twined together. Gorseclaw and Ferntail and Smokecloud would always be my best friends, but they didn't know what it was like, coming to the Clan after being a rogue for so long. These cats did. And I was glad to have them by my side.


	19. Eighteen: Birds and Frogs

"Heatherpaw," said a whispery voice. "Heatherpaw."

I looked wildly around, my head snapping back and forth. I could feel a presence, hear a voice, but who was talking? Why couldn't I see him?

I felt something warm and soft slide past me and curl up next to me. But I couldn't see it. There was only a scattering of paw prints, a glimmer of stars, a faint smell of dew on grass. Was it a StarClan cat? Who could it be?

"Heatherpaw..." Suddenly, the soft, low voice morphed into an angry, high-pitched hiss. "Heatherpaw, you lazy piece of crow-food! _Get up!_ "

I opened my eyes and saw Nightheart's angry face.

"I'm sorry, Nightheart, I thought you were someone else," I said.

"It's not fair!" Nightheart said, her voice rising to a shriek. "You get to sleep in, and I can't! It's ridiculous and unfair and you should be _punished_!"

"Nightheart," Smokecloud called out from the entrance to the den. "She didn't mean to sleep in. Everybody makes mistakes."

"But she's allowed to make more than me!" Nightheart complained. "She's awful at hunting, she killed Cloudpaw, she's a _medicine cat_ , she ran away from EmberClan, and Rainstar _let her back_!"

Smokecloud stepped towards her and leaned forward, licking her cheek lovingly. Nightheart tore away and stormed off, huffing.

"Um," said Smokecloud. "Are you ready to go on a patrol with her?"

I couldn't help but purr at the look on his face. "Seriously? She's on the dawn patrol with me?"

"With us," Smokecloud corrected. "I have the dawn patrol, too. Say," he added, his eyes playful, "do you have any birds to give me?"

I snorted with amusement, and suddenly, I was nearly falling over with laughter. "No," I said, after I had caught my breath. "No, I didn't try to catch any birds for you while I was away because I didn't think that I'd ever come back. But I promise I'll get those ten birds now."

"And I'll, er..." he said. "I'll try to get those frogs?"

I purred. We walked out of the apprentice's den together, chatting about unimportant things, when I heard a friendly meow. Ferntail was padding towards us.

"Hi," she said to me. She smiled warmly when she turned to Smokecloud. "Hey, can you believe that Rainstar made Cinderstripe and I mentors? Shadowpaw, Larkpaw, and Smokepaw are our age!"

Well, somebody made up while I was gone.

"It's ridiculous," Smokecloud agreed. "Shouldn't they be made warriors? I mean, they trained with the rogues, didn't they?"

"Yeah," I said. "We were trained as well as any EmberClan apprentice."

"Maybe Rainstar thinks that we need to train in other areas," Shadowpaw said, walking up to us. "Explore the territory, understand how this war thing works, get used to patrols. I doubt she'll keep us apprentices for very long."

"I hope not," I said. "I want to be a warrior."

"I thought you wanted to be a medicine cat," Ferntail said.

"Well," I said with a shrug, "that's definitely out now."

Ferntail mewed goodbye and padded into the warriors den. She nudged Cinderstripe, and the gray she-cat stood shakily up and scrambled towards us.

"Okay," she said. "Dawn patrol."

We walked over to where Nightheart, Briarfang, and Mothflame were gathered. I almost grimaced when I saw them; they _all_ had the dawn patrol with me? Those were three cats I wasn't eager to see. But at least I had Shadowpaw and Smokecloud. As long as I was with Smokecloud, things were never bad.

 _Wait, what?_

 _Do I... like him? In that way?_

There was no time to worry about that. I shoved the thought off, following the other cats out of camp. _Think about other things. Who's leading the patrol?_ No cat was ordering anyone around.

Silvertuft came padding up towards us. She gave a small smile. "Look, I know it's hard to get up this early and go on a dawn patrol _every day_ , especially since some of you have nighttime patrols. But don't fret. This'll be over soon, and you can go back to your nests."

"Are you leading?" I asked.

"Yup," she said, flicking her tail.

Thank StarClan. I didn't want to be bossed around by Nightheart, Briarfang, or Mothflame. I didn't know Silvertuft that well, but she seemed to be a good cat.

"What border are we patrolling today?" Smokecloud asked.

"First we'll double-check the IceClan border, like always," Silvertuft said. "But today, I think we'll focus on MossClan. Gorseclaw told me that nobody's checked that border in a while."

"MossClan still its same old self?" I asked.

"Yeah," Smokecloud said. "Not everything changes."

"ShadeClan?" I continued.

"Ashstar died," he said. "Pretty recently, I think. Duskstar's the new leader. And, no surprises here, the new deputy is Dawnfeather."

"Duskstar's too reliant on his sister," Nightheart sniffed. "He was as a deputy and I bet he'll be as a leader. He should've chosen Cloudpaw, that would've made him seem strong."

Shadowpaw glared at her. "Not that you'd know anything about it."

"What do you mean?" Nightheart asked, looking up stiffly.

"I mean, you're clearly not going to be leader any time soon," Shadowpaw growled. "EmberClan is full of potential candidates. You'll never know what's it really like to be leader."

"Maybe I'll be leader one day!" Nightheart exclaimed.

"I doubt it," Shadowpaw said. "What about Gorseclaw? Ferntail? Russetclaw? _Me_? Are you expecting all of us to drop dead and let you claim the spot?"

"If that's what it takes," Nightheart said, sighing dramatically.

"You're ridiculous," Shadowpaw snorted.

"Smokecloud!" Nightheart said, her hackles raised. "Shadowpaw's being mean! Tell her to _stop_ it, right now!"

"Why don't you tell her?" Smokecloud said gently.

"Shadowpaw, you're being mean and awful and rude!" Nightheart whined.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Shadowpaw bristled.

"Seriously?" I said. "We're on a patrol, Shadowpaw, Nightheart. We're supposed to be _patrolling_. Stop acting like kits."

"She started it," Nightheart said, her chin up.

"Alright, alright, alright," Silvertuft said. "I don't care who started it. Heatherpaw is right; we can't worry about petty arguments during a war. Let's check the border quickly, and we can go back to camp before the first hunting patrol heads out."

Silvertuft gestured with her tail towards the barely rising sun. I could scent the IceClan border from where we were gathered.

Nightheart seemed to be struggling back a growl, but she shook her head and then bounded up to Silvertuft without making a sound. I was about to head after her when suddenly a small, brown shape came into view. It was fluttering towards MossClan territory. Before anyone noticed me, I crept after the bird, as quiet and stealthy as I could. The bird didn't seem to notice me. I wiggled my haunches back and forth and then pounced, soaring through the air.

The bird heard me and tried to flap away, but before it could get far, I nicked its wing. The creature spiraled to the ground with a squawk, unable to keep aloft. I ran forward and bit its neck swiftly. Taking it in my jaws, I padded over and rejoined the patrol.

Smokecloud met my eyes and grinned.

"I've got one of those birds," I said, dropping it as his paws.


	20. Nineteen: Life in EmberClan

I scrambled after the robin, nearly tripping over my own paws. It was just out of reach! I had to catch it, for Smokecloud! I launched myself into the air, missed it by a fox-length, and landed on my back in the grass, tail fluffed up.

"Hunting going okay?"

Every muscle in my body relaxed as Smokecloud stepped past two fronds of grass and into view.

"It's going fine," I said, giving my bristled shoulder fur a lick. "Just a few small mishaps along the road."

Smokecloud purred. He turned around, starting poking around at the dirt and grass, and then threw a frog at my paws

"You got a frog for me!" I exclaimed. I couldn't hold back a purr.

"I did," he said. "I was out hunting - I have the sunhigh patrol - and I saw it in a little puddle, amongst the reeds. I couldn't _not_ go after it! So I caught it, and I went out to find you."

"I was hunting, too," I said. "I had a bit of free time and Larchflight wanted me to practice." I glanced at the robin, who had perched on a nearby tree and was glaring at me fiercely.

"I should probably get going," Smokecloud said. " I think the patrol is returning soon."

"Me too," I said. "I need a good nap before the battle Rainstar's been planning for tonight."

"I _thought_ you would be hunting birds," Smokecloud said with mock anger. "You still owe me quite a few!"

"I caught four for you," I purred. "How many frogs have you caught for me?"

He grinned at me. "One. And it's right here."

"Let's head back to camp, then," I said.

I picked the frog up in my jaws and we started to the camp. I wanted so desperately to twine his tail around mine, but I forced the urge done. What would Smokecloud think? He didn't seem to know that I liked him. For the time being, I wanted to keep it that way.

Ferntail padded up to us as we entered.

"Hey," she said. "I'm going hunting. Smokecloud, do you want to come?"

"Sure," he gave me a glance. "Do you mind?"

I dropped the frog. "I'm fine. Go on ahead."

 _He was just hunting,_ I thought bitterly as they left the camp together. _He doesn't need to go out hunting again. And especially not with her._ I cast the thought away almost as soon as it entered my head. They made each other happy; I could see it in their eyes whenever they were together.

I am _fine. Just because Smokecloud would never be with me, and I'm terrified of hurting him or Ferntail, and my dream of being a medicine cat is_ dead _and everything is_ falling apart _-_

 _The point is, I'm fine._

 _The last thing any cat needs to do is worry about me._


	21. Twenty: Prophecies Come True

Life in EmberClan was slowly getting easier. I got better at hunting, especially the birds that Smokecloud treasured so much. I excelled at fighting, defending the Clan from Lionstar's warriors. And training got easier and easier. One bright morning, as I was training with Shadowpaw, Larkpaw, and Stormpaw, I realized that we were all ready to finish our training. We were as skilled as any warrior.

There were only two problems, two roadblocks in my smooth Clan life. One was the medicine den. Despite myself, I missed the scent of fresh herbs, the warm feeling in my chest whenever I learned a new healing technique. Every time I walked by Hollywhisker's den, I felt fresh, sharp pain. Why couldn't I stop grieving? I had chosen to be a warrior instead of a medicine cat. Instead of staying with the rogues and being a healer, I left for EmberClan. That was my decision; I couldn't be moping about it.

The other problem was tall and gray-furred and named Smokecloud. I could still remember the days we spent, back when I was healing Cloudpaw, hunting together. I could still remember how much fun we had. But now, he was happy with Ferntail. I was being selfish. But I really couldn't help feeling hurt whenever I looked at them together, no matter how much I tried not to.

I still spent time with Smokecloud on dawn patrols, and he seemed to think of me as a friend. But I didn't get to talk with him nearly as often as I'd have liked.

One day, I was getting ready to check the elders for ticks when i heard some yowling by the medicine den. I padded over as quick as I could. The yowling was coming from Wolfing, Hollywhisker's apprentice.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Hollywhisker was laying down, and Wolfwing was bent over her, panic in her gaze.

"She's sick," Wolfwing said, and then repeated it to himself over and over again. "Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick."

"What happened?" I asked. Fear was tightening my throat.

"I don't know," he said softly. He continued to mutter "sick".

There were a few cats nearby watching. I looked over at the closest, Cinderstripe, and she shrugged her shoulders.

"Hollywhisker collapsed a few minutes ago," Cindestripe explained. "But I don't know what's wrong, or why Wolfwing's so upset."

Wolfwing was done with muttering "sick" and switched over to "like a mother". He repeated this phrase to himself, and when Cinderstripe reached over and licked his cheek comfortingly, he hissed and walked away.

"Hollywhisker?" I tried, looking to the sleek black medicine cat. "Are you okay?"

I only heard a moan.

A gray she-cat brushed past the gathering crowd. It was Rainstar! If anyone knew how to fix this, it would be her. She was the leader of the Clan, after all! She had to know how to patch this together!

"What's happening? Is Hollywhisker okay?" Rainstar said.

"She just keeled over," squeaked Specklepaw.

"Maybe she's overworked," snarled Briarfang. "You guys are stretching her thin, coming back from battle with all of these wounds. _Real_ warriors don't need to be treated!"

"Briarfang, be nice," Mothflame hissed.

"Hollywhisker is old," Cinderstripe said uneasily. "Could it be...?"

She didn't have to finish her sentence.

"Sick," Wolfwing said loudly. "Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick..."

I stepped forward and sniffed Hollywhisker. Her eyes were shut, her breathing jagged. She looked like she was barely clinging to life.

"She's had some kind of attack," I said.

"From IceClan?" Redpaw suggested.

"No," I said, flicking my ear. "More of... an attack on her health."

"Is Wolfwing fit to be medicine cat? He only recently got his full name..." mused Smokecloud.

I looked over. He was curled up with Ferntail, of course. Icy claws seemed to grip my heart.

"Like a mother," Wolfwing whispered. And then he fell to his knees, looking defeated. I walked up to him, careful not to touch him - I remembered Cinderstripe's attempt to help - and looked him in the eye.

"Do you know what's up with her?" I asked. I didn't want to use the wrong word, not in front of this damaged cat.

"Yes, no, I don't know," Wolfwing said. "Sick. Sick. Sick."

I crouched down, sniffing Hollywhisker. What could you do to help a cat like this? Was something wrong with her heart? I nosed around until I found Hollywhisker's hidden stash of foxglove seeds. I wondered if they were worth the risk. The tiny, poppy-seed-like herbs were used to treat the heart in rare circumstances, but with a fatal cost: they would cause paralysis or heart failure. Hollywhisker had hidden them away so that no kit could ever find them, but she had shown me her stash while I was treating Cloudpaw.

I didn't want to give the seeds to her, not just for fear of losing her, but also for my own selfish reasons. I lost Cloudpaw. Would cats blame me for losing Hollywhisker?

Do you think foxglove seeds would work?" I asked Wolfwing. Getting Wolfwing's advice was the only compromise I could come up with.

"Dangerous," Wolfwing said, his voice soft. "Foxglove could..." He trailed off, his eyes wide with fear. And then he went off on another fit of "sick" and "like a mother".

So Wolfwing didn't think foxglove was worth the risk. But then again, he wasn't completely right in the head.

"Isn't foxglove a poison?" asked Ferntail.

"It can be," I said. "But it can also treat the heart. I don't know if it's worth it."

"We need to save her!" cried Wolfwing.

"I think you should give her the foxglove," said Smokecloud. "I'm no medicine cat, but she clearly needs herbs."

"Don't give her something that'll kill her," said Cinderstripe.

"But she might die anyway," argued Smokecloud.

I just stared miserably down at my paws. A vision was starting to form in my head, a memory:

 _In the gray tom's place lay a tawny-furred she-cat. A muddy brown warrior let out a cry of anguish and bounded towards the she-cat, craning over her. With a flash, the light in her eyes faded away. The warrior turned to me, despair shining in his vision._

I had mistaken Wolfwing for a warrior when I first saw this. And that tawny she-cat was Hollywhisker. She was going to die; I couldn't prevent it.

"You can help her," Smokecloud said. "Give her the foxglove seeds."

"I don't want to make it worse," I answered miserably. All I could see was the vision of Wolfwing's anguished eyes.

It had started to rain. First a slow drizzle, but then it go heavier, until some of the less interested cats returned to their dens to get shelter. The warriors, who slept in a patch of gorse, grunted angrily about how they were going to get another wet night.

"Sick," Wolfwing announced after a long silence.

I waited and waited and waited, until every cat had gone except for me, Wolfwing, Ferntail, and Smokecloud. They watched me with anticipation.

"I don't know how to save her," I said softly. The rain showed no signs of letting up, and there was an incessant rumble of thunder overhead.

"Give her the seeds," Smokecloud said gently.

Starting to finally lose hope, I scooped up a pile of foxglove seeds and fed them to Hollywhisker. Then I got a pile of wet moss to chase them down. Hollywhisker opened her eyes for a moment, and quite surprisingly, I could only see pride and thanks. Hollywhisker was _proud_ of me. But then the light in her eyes flickered out.

The foxgloves seeds hadn't worked. Once again, I had failed.


	22. Twenty-one: Fire and Smoke

When I slept, I dreamed of Silverbird.

"I get it!" I yowled at her. "I get why you're doing this to me!"

She tilted her head, as if taken by surprise at my shouting. "Do explain."

"You want me to understand," I said, in an almost accusing voice. "I know, I know, I was a selfish little kit and I didn't get why cats would want to be anything other that a medicine cat. But now I know what it's like to be a warrior. Now I get why someone would want a mate."

And here I thought miserably of Smokecloud. I could see so clearly in my mind's eye his warm eyes, his black tail-tip. Yes, I got it now.

"Well, I must admit, you are wiser than I expected," Silverbird said.

"Thanks," I said coldly.

"But that does not make you kind," remarked Silverbird. "You learned empathy from your time with Kingfisher and the rogues; _use_ it."

"I'm trying to be kind," I said. "It's just... hard."

"It was hard to found the Clans. But that didn't stop Ember, Icebird, Mossy, and Shade," Silverbird said, flicking her tail back and forth. "Heatherpaw, I believe in you. You can do what's right."

And then I woke up, her words echoing inside my head.

It was still raining pretty hard, but I was too restless to go back to sleep. I stepped outside, looking up at the night sky. The stars were starting to fade. When dawn came, they would disappear entirely, and the day would be bright and clear and sunny. I wondered how StarClan looked after us during the daytime, when Silverpelt was gone.

Soft pawsteps, barely audible over the storm, sounded behind me. I turned around. It was Wolfwing.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, twitching my ear.

Wolfwing looked at me sadly. "I have to leave."

"Why?" I said, suddenly alarmed. He was the only medicine cat left. What would EmberClan do without him?

"Like another," Wolfwing said. His voice cracked. And then, again, he whispered, "Like a mother. L-like... a... mother..."

"Wolfwing, it's going to be okay," I promised, looking him straight in the eye. "There are cats out there who care about you. You can't give up on us."

Wolfwing stared at me and shook his head slowly.

There was an especially loud thunderclap. I winced, looking up. Had lightning struck nearby? And then I froze, petrified with fear.

Rainstar's pile of branches was ablaze.

As if on cue, the rain started to die down and the fire got stronger. Cats started getting up and murmuring, wondering what could have possibly happened. Loud yowling was coming from the branches, and dread filled my stomach. Rainstar was in there.

Wolfwing glanced at me, and there was something in his eyes that told me he _knew_. He was leaving because he was sure that EmberClan would not be without a medicine cat as long as they had me. I wanted to tell him to please not go, to not leave me alone to care for a Clan that didn't want me. But then he spoke.

"Milkweed helps with burns," Wolfwing whispered. And then he rain away before I could say anything else.

"Rainstar!" shouted Ferntail. "Auntie!" The cry broke my chain of thought, and I stared into the fire, trying to come up with a plan.

"What are we going to do?" Redpaw was running around, squeaking loudly. "What are we going to do?"

"Alright!" That was Gorseclaw, running to the center of the gathering crowd. "Our top priority should be getting the youngest and oldest cats out. I don't want to see anybody taking the main entrance, it's far too close to Rainstar's den- everybody, evacuate through the side tunnel!"

"What about Rainstar?" asked Cindestripe.

My mind was racing. So milkweed treated burns- I knew you could soothe pain with poppy seeds and ease anxiety or shock with thyme- what else would I need? Worry was clouding my thoughts. Could we even rescue Rainstar, or would all of the stuff I had learned about herbs come to waste?

Smokecloud suddenly hared towards Rainstar's den. I froze when I saw him, because just the mere sight of him- much bigger and less lanky than he was when he was younger- reminded me of something. It was the visions I had when I was a kit! I had seen this happen, only I didn't realize it was Smokecloud!

He fought through the flames, but his struggles were all in vain. Because in a flash, the fire and ashes consumed him, and Smoke fell to smoke.


	23. Twenty-two: Medicine Cat

**A/N:** Wow, are we really at the end here? Only three chapters left? It feels like just yesterday I was reading reviews for the first chapter! I've been working on Claws and Coltsfoot since October (but shh, don't tell anyone) and it's gone through a lot of changes since then. Did you know that Smokecloud used to be called Smokewhisker? And Heatherkit had a vision of her following three birds- a mockingbird, a kingfisher, and a meadowlark? Claws and Coltsfoot has really evolved as a story, and I've really evolved as a writer.

Anything, The Most Important Question is of course if there's going to be a sequel. And the answer is yes! It'll be called Colorful (long story) and Heatherpaw will be a major character in it, but she won't have any POV chapters. Instead, I'm going to follow Dappledkit, a young IceClan kit who's destined to stop the war between EmberClan and IceClan... Some loose ends will be tied up- of course the problem with the war will be solved, we'll get a conclusion on Heatherpaw's story, and the mysterious evil white cat will be a major villain. Anyone excited? I sure am!

Once I post the final chapter, I'll take a break before posting the first Colorful chapter so I can catch up. But don't worry- I'll keep on regularly posting other fan fictions!

Anyway, I've rambled for long enough. Without further ado, let's get back to the story...

* * *

 _I love you._

The unspoken words fluttered around my head, trying desperately to get out. But they caught in my throat and stuck there.

 _I really do. I can't tell you how important you are to me, and I won't let you die. You can't die. I have to save you, Smokecloud. I can't fail this time._

 _I love you._

 _Please don't leave me._

I stepped forward numbly, hardly aware of the panicked voices and flying pawsteps. I could only sense me and Smokecloud, and I could only think of the herbs I needed. Somehow, I was completely calm.

"Some get me coltsfoot and honey for his throat," I said, my tail flicking gently back and forth.

Redpaw scrambled towards the medicine den. "We don't have any honey!" he cried back.

"Then get some!" I said. "Anyone who's fit to leave camp, get me some honey!"

Surprisingly, the first cat to move was Nightheart. She launched herself out the side tunnel, crying, "I'll go to the big beehive near the ShadeClan border!"

"I need milkweed, too," I said. "Anybody knows what it looks like?"

"I do!" Cinderstripe said, lifting her tail. "I can get some for you!"

"Go on ahead," I said. "As fast as you can. Redpaw, where's that coltsfoot?"

Redpaw hobbled out of the medicine den, carrying a huge green cluster.

"How did you know what it looks like?" I asked.

He placed it at my paws. "Hollywhisker gave it me for my kittencough a few moons ago," he squeaked. "She made me all better."

"Thank you," I said. "You can follow orders well. You'll make an excellent warrior."

I leaned closer to Smokecloud, whispering in his ear. "Listen. If you can hear me right now, I'm going to try to heal you. But you have to help me. Swallow this coltsfoot, Smokecloud. You have to, even if it hurts."

Smokecloud blinked weakly. I picked the leaves apart and started gnawing them to a pulp. There was a soft choking sound. I glanced over at Smokecloud, expecting that it came from him, but it was actually Ferntail. She was craned over Smokecloud, looking down at him, eyes wide.

"Don't worry," I said. "I've got this."

She couldn't speak. She just looked at me.

I fed Smokecloud the pulp, going as slow as I dared to, and massaged his throat, trying to get him to swallow. Eventually I felt a gulp, and his breathing eased ever so slightly.

Cinderstripe padded over with the milkweed, and Nightheart had just burst into camp with a pawful of moss soaked in honey. I squashed the milkweed until some of the juices started to leak out, and then I dribbled them on Smokecloud's burns and let him lap up the honey. He looked like was having great difficulty finding the energy to stay awake.

"Does he need anything for the pain?" Nightheart said anxiously. I almost smiled at her. Nightheart was full of surprises tonight.

"once I'm done, I'll give him poppy seeds to help with his pain," I said. "I'd give him comfrey root, but I don't know how that does with burns and I'd rather not waste it."

Nightheart gave a gulp and nodded.

I kept giving Smokecloud milkweed until every burn had been treated. "Are you doing okay?" I murmured in his ear.

"I'm b-better," he said.

"Don't strain yourself," I told him. "Keep your breathing nice and even. In, out, in out." I stood up straighter, glancing around the camp. "Storm paw, get me a poppy seed. Hollywhisker keeps them in the far right corner of her den."

Stormpaw dashed towards the medicine den. I glanced over at Ferntail, who seemed to be doing a bit better.

"Do you need something for the shock?" I asked softly. She shook her head.

"I'm fine," Ferntail whispered, burying her head into Smokecloud's neck fur.

Gorseclaw had done the same thing to me, just a few short moons ago. That was love. That was actual, real love.

I glanced over at Amberfoot and Ravenwing, their tails curled together. That was love.

I eyed Cinderstripe, who was watching the edge of the medicine den a little too closely, as if she waiting to see Stomrpaw come out. That was love.

And then my gaze landed on Smokecloud, who was weakly looking up at me. Was that love? It didn't feel like it to me.


	24. Twenty-three: Ember's Cursed Quack

Cinderstripe hobbled out of the medicine den on three legs, sticking up her fourth leg in the air. There was a tiny black poppy seed on the pad of her paw. She scraped it off, and it landed at my feet. I nudged it towards Smokecloud's mouth.

"It'll make you sleep," I said, "and when you wake up, you'll feel better."

Smokecloud managed a nod. He slowly licked the poppy seed up.

"Is he going to be okay?" Ferntail asked. She winced as a raindrop hit her nose.

"Don't worry," I said. "He'll be fine. It's Rainstar we should worry about."

It was sprinkling again, not enough to put out the fire completely, but enough to lessen the flames. Rainstar, huddled up on her side, was visible through the fire. Gorseclaw sprinted forward, dodging sparks, and grabbed ahold of her scruff. I think we were all holding our breath as he dragged her out.

"Rainstar?" Cinderstripe murmured. "Auntie? Are you there?"

A moment passed. And then Rainstar shakily got to her paws.

She had lost a life. She only had eight left.

"What happened?" Rainstar said. "Is anyone hurt?"

All eyes were on me.

I took a deep breath to steady myself and started explaining. "Smokecloud went into the fire to look for you. He... he breathed in too much smoke, and he collapsed. And I healed him."

Rainstar's eyes were brimming with confusion. "But, Heatherpaw... Where is Wolfwing? Why didn't he heal him?"

"Wolfwing is gone," I said softly. "He couldn't handle Hollywhisker's... he couldn't handle it when Hollywhisker passed away, and he left."

"But that means we don't have a medicine cat," Rainstar said.

Smokecloud looked up, and when I gazed into his green eyes, I knew he was mustering the last of his strength to do this. "But we do," he said weakly, his mew nearly cracking. "We have Heatherpaw."

Everyone looked around at each other, some faces puzzled, some somber, some angry.

"Heatherpaw should be medicine cat!" Nightheart burst. "She was the one who healed Smokecloud!"

"Heatherpaw!" called out Shadowpaw.

"Heatherpaw! Heatherpaw!" All of the sudden the camp was full of cats chanting my name. Cats who wanted me to be medicine cat.

 _But... but Cloudpaw's right. I'm an Ember's cursed quack,_ I thought. _These cats didn't want me before. Why would they want me now?_

My heart seemed to burst as the Clan continued to shout my name.

Rainstar glanced at her pile of branches, which had almost burned itself to the ground, and then stood up straighter. "Silence! _Silence!"_

The camp quieted.

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here for a Clan meeting," Rainstar announced.

It was formal, but useless. Every cat in the Clan was already there.

"I, Rainstar, leader of EmberClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the ways of a medicine cat, and with your help she will serve her Clan for many moons," Rainstar said. "Heatherpaw, do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?"

Everything about this picture was backwards. We should've been at the tall gray pine tree near the border with IceClan, because it was said you could talk to the StarClan there, and the senior medicine cat should've recited the words, not Rainstar. But somehow it felt special. This might not have been a proper ceremony, but this wasn't a proper time for it.

"I do," I promised, straightening my back. "I will serve my Clan."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your true name as a medicine cat. Heatherpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Heatherleaf. StarClan honors your courage and your perseverance, and we welcome you as a full medicine cat of EmberClan." She rested her muzzle on my shoulder for a heartbeat.

Ferntail gave me an awed look.

"Larkpaw, please step forward," Rainstar said. Larkpaw looked at her, shocked, and padded towards her. "I, Rainstar, leader of EmberClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend her to you as a warrior in her turn. Larkpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?" Rainstar recited.

"I do," Larkpaw said proudly.

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. From this day forward, you will be known as Larkfeather. StarClan honors your honesty and integrity, and we welcome you as a full member of EmberClan."

Rainstar continued. She named Shadowpaw Shadowstep, and Stormpaw became Stormwind.

I could hardly believe it.

I was finally a medicine cat.

Silverbird was right. I had finally found the bright future I always wanted.


	25. Epilogue

Life carried on. Rainstar continued to do all of her usual duties, but she decided to abolish the scheduling. "We don'd really need it," she announced one day. "I was trying to control everything." She shuffled her paws. "I'm going to stop doing that."

We still sent out regular patrols- the war with IceClan wasn't to end for another several moons- but Rainstar didn't regulate them. She gave Gorseclaw control over who went on which patrol.

I kept being medicine cat, and I helped deliver Cinderstripe and Stormwind's kits. There was a tabby tom named Ivykit, after Ivyheart, the elder who died; a dark gray she-kit named Flintkit, after Flintstar; and a little dark tom named Hollykit, who was of course named after Hollywhisker. I felt a pang in my heart whenever I saw his bright green eyes. His fur was a different color, but that kit's eyes... They looked exactly like Hollywhisker's.

Russetclaw and Heronfeather died in battle with IceClan, defending the nursery, and Silvertuft, Thundertail, and Sunfoot all became elders. Redpaw, Adderpaw, and Specklepaw's warrior names were Redfeather, Adderstrike, and Specklepelt.

And as for me? I was a faithful medicine cat, delivering omens and prophecies and healing my Clanmates. Silverbird spoke to me often. She tended to be full of herself and pretentious, but I know she was much wiser than any of us.

I accepted that I could never have Smokecloud. It was okay to me now; I had Ferntail, Sunfoot, Gorseclaw, Shadowstep, Larkfeather... And Smokecloud was still my friend. Plus, I had my herbs now.

Still, my life wasn't completely perfect. There was still the prophecy about the evil white cat to worry about- I could only dream of what it was trying to warn me of. But I tried not to fret about it too much. It was no use worrying without cause.

And sometimes I could still feel that presence, like a StarClan cat stalking me. One day, I was out looking for tansy when I felt it again. I looked around the grass and saw a flicking white tail. Could it be the evil white cat, haunting me? I bounded towards it and pounced, but it disappeared below my paws. The cat was gone. When I returned there again to look for more tansy, there was no sign of the cat.

I felt it again and again and again and I couldn't figure out who it was, until one sunny morning when I was making a poultice for Falconpelt's wound. I felt the presence, and could almost see white paws leaving the camp... How could I not follow it?

"Be right back," I said, and I darted out of camp, my paws still sticky with the poultice.

I padded through the grass. What was that scent? Why couldn't I put my toe on it? I saw the white tail, and I thrust myself forward into a clearing with short grass.

I realized who the presence was a heartbeat before I saw it.

Cloudpaw.

"It's you!" I exclaimed. "You've been haunting me!"

Cloudpaw dipped his starry, translucent head. "It's me. Silverbird thought that if I visited you in StarClan, it'd be too upsetting. But I wanted to see you again."

His eyes were so wide and innocent, I couldn't help but purr.

"But I thought you hated medicine cats," I said.

"Not anymore," he answered, meeting my gaze. "If it weren't for me throwing out that catmint, you would've saved my life. A medicine cat would've saved my life! There's no way I can still hate medicine cats after that."

"It's not your fault you died," I said softly.

Cloudpaw looked unsure.

"It's Nightheart's," I said with a playful purr. "She was the one who ate that catmint!"

"Oh, yeah," Cloudpaw said. "Anyway, I'm... not supposed to be here. I should go. You Ember's cursed quack."

I couldn't help but smile at this.

"Remember the prophecy from before," Cloudpaw said. " _Evil does not need to be cloaked in black._ " And with that, he disappeared.

I padded into camp, feeling content for the first time in a long time.

I had my friends in EmberClan- Ferntail, Gorseclaw, Shadowstep, Larkfeather, Cinderstripe, and yes, Smokecloud. I knew now that Cloudpaw still cared about me and didn't blame me for his death. And I was a medicine cat now. My dream had finally come true.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like everything was off my chest.


End file.
